gakked from captain_tiv
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a phrase is unexpected and causes the reader to reframe or reinterpret the first part.
1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
4. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
5. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
6. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
7. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
8. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
9. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
10. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
11. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
12. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
13. Always borrow money from a pessimist.. He won't expect it back.
14. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
15. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
16. I used to think I was indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
17. I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
18. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
19. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
20. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.