donutsweeper: (capt salute)

Pictures of the day: 29 April 2013: A squirrel sits in tree eating a chocolate teacake in Kelvingrove Park, Glasgow, Scotland. (Picture: Michael McGurk / Rex Features)

Murray is BACK.

But is Torchwood ready?

(Murray has been a Torchwood foe since 2007- The Case of the Chocoholic Squirrel, The Case of the Pine Cone Liberation Organization, The Case of the Plotting Squirrel- no, I don't plan on revisiting the animosity between him and the team, but it's nice to know he's still around. Plotting.)
donutsweeper: (beta)
(An excerpt from Let’s Pretend This Never Happened: A Mostly True Memoir by The Bloggess where she talks of some of her experiences working in the HR department.)

Today I interviewed someone who handed me a résumé saying that he’d worked at Helping Hand-Jobs. I choked on my own spit and couldn’t stop coughing. Later I showed it to the interviewer in the next office. She told me that her brother had worked there once but had quit because all the manual labor had given him heatstroke. After I started coughing again she realized my confusion and explained that it was actually named Helping-Hand Jobs and was a handyman service.

Never underestimate the power of punctuation, people.
donutsweeper: (innocence)
You are already running late when two of the whirling dervishes you sometimes refer to as your cats chased each other into the bathroom and smash into the shower curtain having it crash down on you and them just as you are trying to get the shampoo out of your eyes. Evil nutjobs proceed to get caught up the said curtain, become soaking wet (as, oddly enough, the water is running since you were taking a shower and all...) try to levitate out of the bathtub only to crash into the various shampoo/conditioner/body wash bottles, which clatter everywhere, startling them further sending them into the towel rack and then to bounce off the wall and then one falls into the toilet, the other knocks over the trash can and they tear out of the room leaving a trail of toilet paper and wet fur in their wake.

Some days there is not enough coffee in the WORLD to deal with it properly.
donutsweeper: (Default)
Did you know the United States once had an emperor?

On September 17, 1859, Joshua Abraham Norton distributed letters to newspapers in San Francisco stating he "declare and proclaim myself Emperor of these U.S."

He later went on to dissolved the United States of America and also barred Congress from meeting in Washington, D.C.

He "reigned" over the United States as Emperor (along with the added responsibility of being the "Protector of Mexico") for 21 years, until his death on January 8, 1880.

The official 1870 census, by the way, had his occupation listed as "Emperor" (although it did also list him as insane).

(click 3x to see full sized, his entry is on line 24)

....things you learn O.o
donutsweeper: (Default)
gakked from [ profile] captain_tiv

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a phrase is unexpected and causes the reader to reframe or reinterpret the first part.


1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

4. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

5. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

6. If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

7. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

8. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

9. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

10. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

11. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

12. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

13. Always borrow money from a pessimist.. He won't expect it back.

14. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

15. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

16. I used to think I was indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

17. I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

18. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

19. Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

20. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
donutsweeper: (Default)
The other day posted the full details of the terrible hostage situation that had been occurring in their offices. A puzzle piece, the LAST puzzle piece, had been kidnapped and various hijinks ensued.

Read their accounting of it. I promise you'll laugh.

I promise no puzzle pieces or stuffed animals were harmed in the scenario that follows...
donutsweeper: (Default)
If a kid comes running in from outside cupping something in their hands and asks if you'd like to see the answer is not only "no" but also "take it back outside this instant."

Despite appearances, salad dressing bottles do not make good lightsabers.

Salad dressing does come off windows with some elbow grease. However, it does not come off ceilings easily.

Oddly enough, the cat does not like to wear shorts on his head.
donutsweeper: (Default)

This guy got stuck in the doggie door. *grins*
donutsweeper: (innocence)
I just gave the cat a small piece of chicken. He accidentally dropped it on his tail.

He saw where it landed and started going in a circle to get it.

And circled and circled and circled....

I should feel bad at laughing. Really.
donutsweeper: (Default)
I've been watching an online fundraiser for red nose day- the guys from will be raising money by doing a 24 hour webcast (which started noon EST). Oddly humorous.

donutsweeper: (Default)
We went out for Chinese food tonight. The fortune read:

Promote literacy. Buy a box of fortune cookies.

I feel vaguely cheated.


Jan. 11th, 2009 09:45 pm
donutsweeper: (Default)
So, earlier today fuzzbutt insisted he wanted to go outside.  He scratched at the door.  He meowed at the door.  He yargled and clawed at the door.

kitty picture ahoy )

donutsweeper: (Default)
According to the advertisement the local supermarket had cantaloupes on sale, but I didn't see them anywhere.  So I asked a person working in the produce section where the cantaloupes would be.  He pointed to a large bin.  I went and looked, but the bin was empty.  I went back and said to him "there aren't any cantaloupes there!"  to which he responded, "Well, you asked where the cantaloupes would be.  That's where the cantaloupes would be if we had any, but we don't, we're all out."

I did not expect a lesson in semantics at 10 at night in the grocery store!
donutsweeper: (Default)
I spent the last hour and a half or so taking tickets for an event that had no tickets issued for it.

Yep, I sat there because I was assigned to take tickets even though there WERE NO TICKETS.

How does something like that happen you ask?  Well, the work assignments for the annual meeting are drawn up every ten years and assigned by job title.  So, as Assistant Membership Director, I collect tickets.  As it happens the decision was made to quit printing tickets seven years ago, but that minor detail hasn't affected the duty roster yet.  Why?  Because they only rewrite and reassign jobs for the annual meeting every ten years because (as my boss said when I asked her about it) "that's the way it's always been done."


Gotta love corporate logic.
donutsweeper: (Default)
Someone put the link to this on [ profile] fanficrants , it's hysterical:

cut to spare f-list )
donutsweeper: (Murray)
I love America...

"David Csaky,  known as "Squirrelman" to his Seattle neighbors, has been living in a homemade tree house with million-dollar views of a lake and Seattle's Queen Anne Hill for the past three years, according to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. "I was happy as hell," Csaky, 52, told the paper. But his joy has come to an end as officials kicked him off of his perch, constructed on other people's property....Squirrelman has nowhere to go. Officials have approached him with a list of shelters that don't accept pets — Csaky lives with pet rat "Lucky," a ferret named "Rainbow" and an off-balance squirrel called "Tilt" — but all Squirrelman really wants is to live it out for a few more years in his handmade home, the paper said."  (See article for more)

Murry is keeping his eye on this story!


donutsweeper: (Default)

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