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donutsweeper) wrote2008-08-31 05:47 pm
donutsweeper) wrote2008-08-31 05:47 pm
Entry tags:
Fic Commentary: The Impartial Parrot
Title: The Impartial Parrot
Pairing/Warning/Rating: Torchwood + 20 other fandoms (all espionage or spy centered), multiple instances of Jack flirting, rated PG
Word Count: 1293
Summary: There is a pub that spies gravitate to, a place to relax and not have to worry about the outside world for a little while.
Author's Note: There are 21 fandoms (somewhat) cleverly hidden in this story.
I really can't remember how I got started on this idea. It was probably in a comment conversation somewhere that the idea of Jack knowing everyone came up. Long ago, I'd decided Jack was the little black dress equivalent of the fanfic world- he could slip into any fandom out there and fit right in. I also liked the idea that spies (or spooks, whatever you want to call them) might like to have a place where they could actually relax.
I spent an entire staff meeting coming up with a list of spies and fandoms to use for this story, and also questioned my f-list about it. You guys were invaluable!
The Impartial Parrot was a little hole in the wall sort of place that most people walked past without even noticing. There was no sign out front to lure in customers. Not even any windows. The only thing that marked the fact the pub even existed was the heavy oak door that seemed to blend seamlessly into the wall unless you knew where to look for it.
Coming up with the name of the bar was hard. I decided for silly with a touch of depth.
And that was how the clientele liked it. Not a single one of them, as a rule, liked to draw attention to themselves. And, more than anyone, they needed a place they could relax and not have to worry about secrets and lies or death threats and assassins for a few hours. By mutual agreement all squabbles and differences of opinion were left at the door.
The man behind the bar was one of those bartenders who seen it all, probably more than any of his customers could ever imagine. Hex was great at his job though, could keep the beer flowing and the shots full and never let anyone lose themselves in the bottom of the glass. He worked the bar like a master, greeting everyone by name - or at least the name they went by there - and providing their usual drink without prompting.
Hex is "Number Six" from "The Prisioner. As one of the earliest 'spy' shows out there, and one with the most secretive main character (we never did learn his name, did we?) I figured he was perfect to run the place.
“Captain.” He held up the glass he was polishing in greeting. Jack gave a quick smile, pausing in the doorway to pet the dog lounging there.
Jack is, of course, known as "Captain." It's as much of an alias as any of the names here, since we all know it's a name he assumed when taking that con in 1941.
“How’s Mister Smartypants doing today?” Jack spoke softly as gave him a scratch behind the ear. “You keeping the Parrot safe from any wayward cats?” The dog wagged his tail, gave Jack a deep look, then huffed softly and rolled on his side before falling asleep.
Yes, Mr. Smartypants is the Brain from "Inspector Gadget," I'm not sure why, but I just *had* to work him in somehow.
Jack continued inside, tossing his coat on the coatrack and pretending not to notice when it slipped off and landed in a heap on the floor. He did, however, laugh when the blond sitting nearby tutted at him and picked it up to hang it properly. “Thanks Nik,” he called over his shoulder, blowing her a quick kiss. Nik merely shook her head in response.
Here's one of the random allusions to a character without them actually speaking or having a decent role. Nik is the not-so-cleverly disguised Nikita from La Femme Nikita.
Trying to slip between two crowded tables as he headed to the bar Jack brushed against a wheelchair. “Sorry Uncle,” Jack apologized immediately.
"Wiseguy" had to make an appearance here, and I was always much more of a fan of "Lifeguard" than the main characters. He was sometimes called "Uncle Mike" on the show, thus his alias here.
“Hey, better you bump the chair than bump my drink!” Uncle tapped his beer. “You know OzMan, right?” He gestured briefly to the man sitting opposite him, who tipped his Stetson at Jack. “And I know you and Burnsie go way back.”
One of the first shows I really remember loving as a kid was "Scarecrow and Mrs. King." OzMan has two clues to who he is, the Oz reference as well as the Stetson he's wearing. On the show his real name is Lee Stetson, but he often goes by the alias Scarecrow (there is even an episode where they tell you how he got the name and, yes, it is Oz related).
“Oh sure. Burnsie and I have gotten many a ribbing about patronizing a pub when neither of us tend to imbibe.” There was a quick exchange of handshakes all around, although Jack’s fingers lingered on OzMan’s for a moment before he caught Uncle’s look and dropped the hand quickly.
My Husband is a huge fan of "Sand baggers" and asked me if I was going to be including anyone. I'd only seen a handful of episodes, but the fact that D-Ops aka Neil Burnside didn't drink stood out so I stuck him in here. Oh, and of course Jack would flirt with Scarecrow. Who wouldn't?
“Captain,” OzMan chided gently, “I am married now, you know.”
“I know.” Jack grinned, grabbing the hand and kissing it quickly. “Hail to the king and all that.” However, he managed to look slightly contrite when Uncle swatted him. “Heading to the bar, you gentlemen need anything?”
Scarecrow marries Amanda King in the show. Get it, hail to the king? *groans*
“I think we’re fine, thanks.” Burnsie held up his mostly full water. “We’re just swapping old war stories, if you want to join us later.”
“Now, now, Burnsie,” another man approached the table and draped an arm over Jack’s shoulder, pulling him in for a quick hug before sitting down at the table. “No trying to keep the Captain all to yourself, we don’t see him around here enough as is.”
“Lil’ Corporal!” Jack slapped the newcomer on the back.
I'm not sure anyone really got this one- Napoleon had been known as the Little Corpora, therefore Lil’ Corporal= Napoleon Solo from The Man From U.N.C.L.E. I regretfully admit to never actually having watched the show, so I kept his part small here.
“I’m always going to regret letting you give me my nickname for this place, aren’t I?”
“And here I thought I had made it up to you!” Jack waggled his eyebrows, which elicited a groan from OzMan and another swat from Uncle.
More flirting from Jack, how surprising!
“In all seriousness, I thought you’d want to know that Bobby’s Girl is around somewhere and she’s wearing that skin tight number you always liked.”
Bobby’s Girl=Emma Peel from The Avengers. Policemen are both called Bobbies and Peelers... get it?
“Hey!” Jack jumped away from the table. “What did I get smacked again for? I didn’t say anything!”
“But you were thinking it,” Uncle chided gently. “She and Gem are having a girls’ night out. I already had to rescue them from your old friend Quicksilver; he somehow forgot that just because they couldn’t see him it didn’t mean they couldn’t hear him as well.”
Gem=Sapphire from Sapphire & Steele.
“That boy will never learn.” Jack shook his head, and then hissed under his breath, “And don’t think I don’t know you’re standing right behind me either, Quicksilver!”
“One of these days, Captain,” was the whispered reply, “One of these days.” And with a shiver of cold along the small of Jack’s back he was gone.
If you have watched the show "The Invisible Man", Quicksilver was an easy one since it's the gland which secrets the substance that makes Darien Fawkes invisible. However, since the show only lasted two seasons and is never shown in repeats I'm not sure how obvious it really was.
“Anyone see Jude Thaddeus around? I had a question for him.”
Brief nod to two famous spies in this exchange- Jude Thaddeus is The Saint/ Simon Templar from "The Saint" while many figured out that Ms.Cardamom was Cinnamon Carter from "Mission Impossible". I'll admit that neither name was terribly clever.
“He’s here, I saw he was chatting up Ms. Cardamom in the back corner before I headed over here.” Lil’ Corporal waved vaguely in the direction of the shadowy rear of the pub.
“Oh.” Jack rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Well, best not disturb him then. Later, gentlemen.” With a vague wave he continued on his way to the bar. He stopped briefly to exchange pleasantries with the unlikely pair of East and Easten, but avoided getting sucked into their standard argument about necessary tools of the trade. Jack’s own opinion was that it depended on the man and the time, but there was no getting through to those two.
I was hoping people would be able to figure out East= Jim West from "Wild, Wild West" which is a cracktastically nuts favorite show of mine. Easten was a bit more esoteric as Michael Westen from the USA network show "Burn Notice".
They did stop in their prospective diatribes long enough for East to warn Jack that, “If you don’t remove you hand this instant, Captain, I’ll remove it for you,” but there was no heat in either that threat or Easten’s slightly more colorfully worded one. They both knew Jack well enough to have expected no less from him.
That's our Jack, isn't it?
However, when his hand strayed in a similar manner a little further on, he received a smack and a careful, “Now listen very carefully, I shall say this only once; keep those hands where I can see them!” from Blanche, but then he smiled that smile and they exchanged a passionate kiss.
Blanche was someone either you figured out immediately, or were completely clueless about. The name came about from the character's (Michelle Dubois from ‘Allo ‘Allo) last name being Dubois, the same as Blanche Dubois from "a Streetcar Named Desire". Nearly every episode Michelle appeared in she started out by saying “Now listen very carefully, I shall say this only once!"
Placing a gently finger against her lips, Jack murmured, “later mon chéri, I need to talk with Hex for a minute.” On his way to the bar he wisely sidestepped Winters and Dallas, they were quite obviously a couple and Jack was not one to interfere with true love. There was also the fact they could both hit unnaturally hard and he didn’t feel like dying again today.
I thought Winters and Dallas would be easy, given their names and the clues that they were in love and both hit very hard. Winters= Jamie Sommers from "The Bionic Woman" and Dallas= Colonel Steve Austin from The Six Million Dollar Man." But, not obvious enough, I guess.
Gabriel was leaning against the bar as he waited for his drink, chatting with a handsome man Jack hadn’t met. He approached carefully, mindful of Gabriel’s missing eye. “Gabriel, you old dog you, good to see you!”
I also was a huge fan of "Airwolf" back when. *sighs happily* Gabriel is an archangel, so a perfect choice to be the alias for the man known as Archangel on that show.
“Captain! It’s been far too long. Do you know Rosie? One of the best in the business.”
Jack looked Rosie over and gave an approving grin, suit coat and tails always did wonders for a dashing gentleman. “My pleasure.”
There's a photo out there of John Barrowman in a suit coat with tails. YUM.
“Mine as well, Captain.” There was the slightest trace of several different accents in his speech, making it impossible to pin down his nationality, but he had a firm grip and a nice smile, and that was all that mattered in the end. Hex came up then and handed Gabriel and Rosie their drinks and reached for Jack’s typical water.
Rosie is Sidney Reilly from "Reilly, Ace of Spies." He's also the only character here based off a real person. I read up on him before including him here, very fascinating stuff.
“Thanks Hex. Cutter was supposed to meet me here, seen him?”
Gabriel patted Jack on the arm. “We’re going to grab a table, stop by if you get a chance, Captain.”
“Will do, Gabriel. Nice meeting you, Rosie.”
“There he is.” Hex pointed to the door as Cutter swept into the room.
“Captain,” Cutter greeted him as he approached.
“Cutter-” was all Jack had time to say before his mouth was captured in a hard and long kiss.
Harry Pearce, pearce sounds like pierce, to pierce is to cut, therefore Cutter is from "MI-5" aka "Spooks" depending where you watch it. Yeah, okay, I'll admit that analogy was a bit weak.
All in all there's not a lot to this story- it was just an excuse for a bit of fun with massive crossover silliness. The lack of point was also why it ended with the dramatic kiss. It's Jack, of course someone wants to kiss him, right?
Pairing/Warning/Rating: Torchwood + 20 other fandoms (all espionage or spy centered), multiple instances of Jack flirting, rated PG
Word Count: 1293
Summary: There is a pub that spies gravitate to, a place to relax and not have to worry about the outside world for a little while.
Author's Note: There are 21 fandoms (somewhat) cleverly hidden in this story.
I really can't remember how I got started on this idea. It was probably in a comment conversation somewhere that the idea of Jack knowing everyone came up. Long ago, I'd decided Jack was the little black dress equivalent of the fanfic world- he could slip into any fandom out there and fit right in. I also liked the idea that spies (or spooks, whatever you want to call them) might like to have a place where they could actually relax.
I spent an entire staff meeting coming up with a list of spies and fandoms to use for this story, and also questioned my f-list about it. You guys were invaluable!
The Impartial Parrot was a little hole in the wall sort of place that most people walked past without even noticing. There was no sign out front to lure in customers. Not even any windows. The only thing that marked the fact the pub even existed was the heavy oak door that seemed to blend seamlessly into the wall unless you knew where to look for it.
Coming up with the name of the bar was hard. I decided for silly with a touch of depth.
And that was how the clientele liked it. Not a single one of them, as a rule, liked to draw attention to themselves. And, more than anyone, they needed a place they could relax and not have to worry about secrets and lies or death threats and assassins for a few hours. By mutual agreement all squabbles and differences of opinion were left at the door.
The man behind the bar was one of those bartenders who seen it all, probably more than any of his customers could ever imagine. Hex was great at his job though, could keep the beer flowing and the shots full and never let anyone lose themselves in the bottom of the glass. He worked the bar like a master, greeting everyone by name - or at least the name they went by there - and providing their usual drink without prompting.
Hex is "Number Six" from "The Prisioner. As one of the earliest 'spy' shows out there, and one with the most secretive main character (we never did learn his name, did we?) I figured he was perfect to run the place.
“Captain.” He held up the glass he was polishing in greeting. Jack gave a quick smile, pausing in the doorway to pet the dog lounging there.
Jack is, of course, known as "Captain." It's as much of an alias as any of the names here, since we all know it's a name he assumed when taking that con in 1941.
“How’s Mister Smartypants doing today?” Jack spoke softly as gave him a scratch behind the ear. “You keeping the Parrot safe from any wayward cats?” The dog wagged his tail, gave Jack a deep look, then huffed softly and rolled on his side before falling asleep.
Yes, Mr. Smartypants is the Brain from "Inspector Gadget," I'm not sure why, but I just *had* to work him in somehow.
Jack continued inside, tossing his coat on the coatrack and pretending not to notice when it slipped off and landed in a heap on the floor. He did, however, laugh when the blond sitting nearby tutted at him and picked it up to hang it properly. “Thanks Nik,” he called over his shoulder, blowing her a quick kiss. Nik merely shook her head in response.
Here's one of the random allusions to a character without them actually speaking or having a decent role. Nik is the not-so-cleverly disguised Nikita from La Femme Nikita.
Trying to slip between two crowded tables as he headed to the bar Jack brushed against a wheelchair. “Sorry Uncle,” Jack apologized immediately.
"Wiseguy" had to make an appearance here, and I was always much more of a fan of "Lifeguard" than the main characters. He was sometimes called "Uncle Mike" on the show, thus his alias here.
“Hey, better you bump the chair than bump my drink!” Uncle tapped his beer. “You know OzMan, right?” He gestured briefly to the man sitting opposite him, who tipped his Stetson at Jack. “And I know you and Burnsie go way back.”
One of the first shows I really remember loving as a kid was "Scarecrow and Mrs. King." OzMan has two clues to who he is, the Oz reference as well as the Stetson he's wearing. On the show his real name is Lee Stetson, but he often goes by the alias Scarecrow (there is even an episode where they tell you how he got the name and, yes, it is Oz related).
“Oh sure. Burnsie and I have gotten many a ribbing about patronizing a pub when neither of us tend to imbibe.” There was a quick exchange of handshakes all around, although Jack’s fingers lingered on OzMan’s for a moment before he caught Uncle’s look and dropped the hand quickly.
My Husband is a huge fan of "Sand baggers" and asked me if I was going to be including anyone. I'd only seen a handful of episodes, but the fact that D-Ops aka Neil Burnside didn't drink stood out so I stuck him in here. Oh, and of course Jack would flirt with Scarecrow. Who wouldn't?
“Captain,” OzMan chided gently, “I am married now, you know.”
“I know.” Jack grinned, grabbing the hand and kissing it quickly. “Hail to the king and all that.” However, he managed to look slightly contrite when Uncle swatted him. “Heading to the bar, you gentlemen need anything?”
Scarecrow marries Amanda King in the show. Get it, hail to the king? *groans*
“I think we’re fine, thanks.” Burnsie held up his mostly full water. “We’re just swapping old war stories, if you want to join us later.”
“Now, now, Burnsie,” another man approached the table and draped an arm over Jack’s shoulder, pulling him in for a quick hug before sitting down at the table. “No trying to keep the Captain all to yourself, we don’t see him around here enough as is.”
“Lil’ Corporal!” Jack slapped the newcomer on the back.
I'm not sure anyone really got this one- Napoleon had been known as the Little Corpora, therefore Lil’ Corporal= Napoleon Solo from The Man From U.N.C.L.E. I regretfully admit to never actually having watched the show, so I kept his part small here.
“I’m always going to regret letting you give me my nickname for this place, aren’t I?”
“And here I thought I had made it up to you!” Jack waggled his eyebrows, which elicited a groan from OzMan and another swat from Uncle.
More flirting from Jack, how surprising!
“In all seriousness, I thought you’d want to know that Bobby’s Girl is around somewhere and she’s wearing that skin tight number you always liked.”
Bobby’s Girl=Emma Peel from The Avengers. Policemen are both called Bobbies and Peelers... get it?
“Hey!” Jack jumped away from the table. “What did I get smacked again for? I didn’t say anything!”
“But you were thinking it,” Uncle chided gently. “She and Gem are having a girls’ night out. I already had to rescue them from your old friend Quicksilver; he somehow forgot that just because they couldn’t see him it didn’t mean they couldn’t hear him as well.”
Gem=Sapphire from Sapphire & Steele.
“That boy will never learn.” Jack shook his head, and then hissed under his breath, “And don’t think I don’t know you’re standing right behind me either, Quicksilver!”
“One of these days, Captain,” was the whispered reply, “One of these days.” And with a shiver of cold along the small of Jack’s back he was gone.
If you have watched the show "The Invisible Man", Quicksilver was an easy one since it's the gland which secrets the substance that makes Darien Fawkes invisible. However, since the show only lasted two seasons and is never shown in repeats I'm not sure how obvious it really was.
“Anyone see Jude Thaddeus around? I had a question for him.”
Brief nod to two famous spies in this exchange- Jude Thaddeus is The Saint/ Simon Templar from "The Saint" while many figured out that Ms.Cardamom was Cinnamon Carter from "Mission Impossible". I'll admit that neither name was terribly clever.
“He’s here, I saw he was chatting up Ms. Cardamom in the back corner before I headed over here.” Lil’ Corporal waved vaguely in the direction of the shadowy rear of the pub.
“Oh.” Jack rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. “Well, best not disturb him then. Later, gentlemen.” With a vague wave he continued on his way to the bar. He stopped briefly to exchange pleasantries with the unlikely pair of East and Easten, but avoided getting sucked into their standard argument about necessary tools of the trade. Jack’s own opinion was that it depended on the man and the time, but there was no getting through to those two.
I was hoping people would be able to figure out East= Jim West from "Wild, Wild West" which is a cracktastically nuts favorite show of mine. Easten was a bit more esoteric as Michael Westen from the USA network show "Burn Notice".
They did stop in their prospective diatribes long enough for East to warn Jack that, “If you don’t remove you hand this instant, Captain, I’ll remove it for you,” but there was no heat in either that threat or Easten’s slightly more colorfully worded one. They both knew Jack well enough to have expected no less from him.
That's our Jack, isn't it?
However, when his hand strayed in a similar manner a little further on, he received a smack and a careful, “Now listen very carefully, I shall say this only once; keep those hands where I can see them!” from Blanche, but then he smiled that smile and they exchanged a passionate kiss.
Blanche was someone either you figured out immediately, or were completely clueless about. The name came about from the character's (Michelle Dubois from ‘Allo ‘Allo) last name being Dubois, the same as Blanche Dubois from "a Streetcar Named Desire". Nearly every episode Michelle appeared in she started out by saying “Now listen very carefully, I shall say this only once!"
Placing a gently finger against her lips, Jack murmured, “later mon chéri, I need to talk with Hex for a minute.” On his way to the bar he wisely sidestepped Winters and Dallas, they were quite obviously a couple and Jack was not one to interfere with true love. There was also the fact they could both hit unnaturally hard and he didn’t feel like dying again today.
I thought Winters and Dallas would be easy, given their names and the clues that they were in love and both hit very hard. Winters= Jamie Sommers from "The Bionic Woman" and Dallas= Colonel Steve Austin from The Six Million Dollar Man." But, not obvious enough, I guess.
Gabriel was leaning against the bar as he waited for his drink, chatting with a handsome man Jack hadn’t met. He approached carefully, mindful of Gabriel’s missing eye. “Gabriel, you old dog you, good to see you!”
I also was a huge fan of "Airwolf" back when. *sighs happily* Gabriel is an archangel, so a perfect choice to be the alias for the man known as Archangel on that show.
“Captain! It’s been far too long. Do you know Rosie? One of the best in the business.”
Jack looked Rosie over and gave an approving grin, suit coat and tails always did wonders for a dashing gentleman. “My pleasure.”
There's a photo out there of John Barrowman in a suit coat with tails. YUM.
“Mine as well, Captain.” There was the slightest trace of several different accents in his speech, making it impossible to pin down his nationality, but he had a firm grip and a nice smile, and that was all that mattered in the end. Hex came up then and handed Gabriel and Rosie their drinks and reached for Jack’s typical water.
Rosie is Sidney Reilly from "Reilly, Ace of Spies." He's also the only character here based off a real person. I read up on him before including him here, very fascinating stuff.
“Thanks Hex. Cutter was supposed to meet me here, seen him?”
Gabriel patted Jack on the arm. “We’re going to grab a table, stop by if you get a chance, Captain.”
“Will do, Gabriel. Nice meeting you, Rosie.”
“There he is.” Hex pointed to the door as Cutter swept into the room.
“Captain,” Cutter greeted him as he approached.
“Cutter-” was all Jack had time to say before his mouth was captured in a hard and long kiss.
Harry Pearce, pearce sounds like pierce, to pierce is to cut, therefore Cutter is from "MI-5" aka "Spooks" depending where you watch it. Yeah, okay, I'll admit that analogy was a bit weak.
All in all there's not a lot to this story- it was just an excuse for a bit of fun with massive crossover silliness. The lack of point was also why it ended with the dramatic kiss. It's Jack, of course someone wants to kiss him, right?
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I've only been to the free for all to see if I could fulfill any requests. (And I managed one)
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And oops, I just realized I skipped over one of the names in the commentary. Gem=Sapphire from "Sapphire and Steele" whoops.
I had the biggest crush on Scarecrow. *sigh* what a cutie