donutsweeper (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
donutsweeper) wrote2007-11-02 02:45 pm
donutsweeper) wrote2007-11-02 02:45 pm
You choose
Okay, certain evil people on my flist pushed the idea of a Due South/Torchwood fic between Bob Fraser (Benton's dead father) and Jack. But, they argued over how it should play out.
Thanks totravels_in_time and -_medley_ for the original prompt
So, which will it be, o mighty flist-ers? You choose which version will be the final one!
Thanks to
travels_in_time and -_medley_ for the original promptSo, I wound up writing three versions, a drabble, a double drabble and a ficlet. So now YOU get to chose (and critique and complain if desired) which version should be the final one. Thanks to unfeathered for the beta!
The drabble:
“Bob.”
“Jack.”
“You’re looking well.”
“I’m dead Jack, the grey hairs stop when you die. Or at least for some of us.”
“That’s not my fault.”
“You don’t need to flaunt it. It’s disrespectful, zooming in and out of the afterlife all the time.”
“Benton’s happy to see me.”
“Well, you’re not leaving the door of his home open, tracking in mud and god knows what else.”
“That’s me, muddying up the afterlife...”
“Jack...”
“It means I’ll always be around to keep an eye on Benton, for Caroline.”
“Thank you, I know she’d appreciate that.”
“For you too, old friend.”
The double drabble:
“Bob.” Jack nodded politely at the other man.
“Jack.” Bob replied rather stiffly.
“You’re looking well.”
“I’m dead Jack, the grey hairs stop when you die. Or at least for some of us.”
Jack laughed. “You know that’s not my fault.”
“But you don’t need to flaunt it.” Bob said gruffly, his obvious frustration showing. “It’s disrespectful, the way you’re zooming in and out of the afterlife all the time.”
“You know, some people are actually happy to see me.”
“Name one.”
“Benton.” Jack said with a grin that was wide and bright and easily misinterpreted.
“Well,” Bob began, purposely ignoring Jack’s devil-may-care smile. “You’re not leaving the door of his home open, tracking in mud and god knows what else.”
“That’s me, muddying up the afterlife...”
“Jack. You die and come back. All the time. It’s not natural.”
“Maybe not. But it means I’ll always be around to keep an eye on Benton, like I promised Caroline. She was a good woman.”
“Yes she was.” Bob nodded, lost in thought for a moment. “Thank you, I know she’d appreciate you doing that for her.”
“For you too, old friend.”
Bob smiled. “Just remember, I’m keeping an eye on you!”
The ficlet:
Captain Jack Harkness was walking towards the Canadian Consulate when he spotted the ghost of Bob Fraser standing on the sidewalk. Bob didn’t notice him though, he had eyes only for his son, standing guard duty up ahead.
“Bob.” Jack nodded politely, unfazed by the other man’s non-corporeal status.
Bob huffed slightly at being seen. “Jack.” He replied, his tone stiff.
Jack stuck his hands into the pockets of his greatcoat and haphazardly leaned against the wall. “You’re looking well.”
“I’m dead Jack, the grey hairs stop when you die.” Bob didn’t relax his stance to meet Jack’s. He stayed where he was, back straight and head held high. “Or, at least for some of us.”
Jack laughed. “You know that’s not my fault.”
“But you don’t need to flaunt it.” Bob said gruffly, his obvious frustration showing. “It’s disrespectful, the way you’re zooming in and out of the afterlife all the time.”
“You know,” Jack leaned in, whispering and treating what he was about to say like a secret he shouldn’t be sharing, “some people are actually happy to see me.”
“Name one.” Bob didn’t bother to whisper. He was dead, almost no one could hear him anyway.
“Benton.” Jack said with that grin of his that was wide and bright and he knew could easily be misinterpreted.
“Well,” Bob began, purposely ignoring Jack’s devil-may-care smile. “You’re not leaving the door of his home open, tracking in mud and god knows what else.”
“That’s me, muddying up the afterlife...”
“Jack. You die and come back. All the time. It’s not natural.”
“Maybe not. But it’s who I am. And it means I’ll always be here for Benton, whenever he needs me, just like I promised Caroline I would.” Jack paused, sighing as he remembered her. “She was a good woman.”
“Yes, she was.” Bob nodded, lost in thought for a moment. “I know she’d appreciate you doing that for her. Thank you.”
Jack checked his watch before straightening up. “It’s quitting time. Benton will be expecting me.” He took a few steps toward the Consulate before pausing to add, “It’s for you as well, old friend. I’m keeping an eye on him for you too.”
“I know.” Bob gave him a slightly sardonic smile. “Just remember, I’m keeping an eye on you!”
Jack burst out laughing. “I wouldn’t expect it any other way.” He gave the ghost a sloppy salute before racing up to the Consulate where Benton, hat in hand, was waiting for him.
the votes... Drabble 1, double drabble 3, ficlet 5
unfeathered for the beta!The drabble:
“Bob.”
“Jack.”
“You’re looking well.”
“I’m dead Jack, the grey hairs stop when you die. Or at least for some of us.”
“That’s not my fault.”
“You don’t need to flaunt it. It’s disrespectful, zooming in and out of the afterlife all the time.”
“Benton’s happy to see me.”
“Well, you’re not leaving the door of his home open, tracking in mud and god knows what else.”
“That’s me, muddying up the afterlife...”
“Jack...”
“It means I’ll always be around to keep an eye on Benton, for Caroline.”
“Thank you, I know she’d appreciate that.”
“For you too, old friend.”
The double drabble:
“Bob.” Jack nodded politely at the other man.
“Jack.” Bob replied rather stiffly.
“You’re looking well.”
“I’m dead Jack, the grey hairs stop when you die. Or at least for some of us.”
Jack laughed. “You know that’s not my fault.”
“But you don’t need to flaunt it.” Bob said gruffly, his obvious frustration showing. “It’s disrespectful, the way you’re zooming in and out of the afterlife all the time.”
“You know, some people are actually happy to see me.”
“Name one.”
“Benton.” Jack said with a grin that was wide and bright and easily misinterpreted.
“Well,” Bob began, purposely ignoring Jack’s devil-may-care smile. “You’re not leaving the door of his home open, tracking in mud and god knows what else.”
“That’s me, muddying up the afterlife...”
“Jack. You die and come back. All the time. It’s not natural.”
“Maybe not. But it means I’ll always be around to keep an eye on Benton, like I promised Caroline. She was a good woman.”
“Yes she was.” Bob nodded, lost in thought for a moment. “Thank you, I know she’d appreciate you doing that for her.”
“For you too, old friend.”
Bob smiled. “Just remember, I’m keeping an eye on you!”
The ficlet:
Captain Jack Harkness was walking towards the Canadian Consulate when he spotted the ghost of Bob Fraser standing on the sidewalk. Bob didn’t notice him though, he had eyes only for his son, standing guard duty up ahead.
“Bob.” Jack nodded politely, unfazed by the other man’s non-corporeal status.
Bob huffed slightly at being seen. “Jack.” He replied, his tone stiff.
Jack stuck his hands into the pockets of his greatcoat and haphazardly leaned against the wall. “You’re looking well.”
“I’m dead Jack, the grey hairs stop when you die.” Bob didn’t relax his stance to meet Jack’s. He stayed where he was, back straight and head held high. “Or, at least for some of us.”
Jack laughed. “You know that’s not my fault.”
“But you don’t need to flaunt it.” Bob said gruffly, his obvious frustration showing. “It’s disrespectful, the way you’re zooming in and out of the afterlife all the time.”
“You know,” Jack leaned in, whispering and treating what he was about to say like a secret he shouldn’t be sharing, “some people are actually happy to see me.”
“Name one.” Bob didn’t bother to whisper. He was dead, almost no one could hear him anyway.
“Benton.” Jack said with that grin of his that was wide and bright and he knew could easily be misinterpreted.
“Well,” Bob began, purposely ignoring Jack’s devil-may-care smile. “You’re not leaving the door of his home open, tracking in mud and god knows what else.”
“That’s me, muddying up the afterlife...”
“Jack. You die and come back. All the time. It’s not natural.”
“Maybe not. But it’s who I am. And it means I’ll always be here for Benton, whenever he needs me, just like I promised Caroline I would.” Jack paused, sighing as he remembered her. “She was a good woman.”
“Yes, she was.” Bob nodded, lost in thought for a moment. “I know she’d appreciate you doing that for her. Thank you.”
Jack checked his watch before straightening up. “It’s quitting time. Benton will be expecting me.” He took a few steps toward the Consulate before pausing to add, “It’s for you as well, old friend. I’m keeping an eye on him for you too.”
“I know.” Bob gave him a slightly sardonic smile. “Just remember, I’m keeping an eye on you!”
Jack burst out laughing. “I wouldn’t expect it any other way.” He gave the ghost a sloppy salute before racing up to the Consulate where Benton, hat in hand, was waiting for him.
the votes... Drabble 1, double drabble 3, ficlet 5
So, which will it be, o mighty flist-ers? You choose which version will be the final one!
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Okay, one vote for double drabble and one vote for ficlet
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And surely it's 'muddying' not 'mudding'
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I choose Ficlet! At first I was going to go for purple, but I like the extra subtle meaning you draw out of the situation in the ficlet. Interesting game! :)
One thing I wondered about in the ficlet - would Fraser be waiting for Jack in front of a building with open arms? I haven't seen that much of the show but that seems so much more openly demonstrative than I remember. Or maybe you meant it figuratively and I'm misinterpreting. :)
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*thinks* OK, I can live without the double drabble. But I can't decide between the other two!
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Double drabble:
Bob smiled, “just remember, I’m keeping an eye on you!” - Bob smiled. "Just remember…
Ficlet:
“You know,” Jack leaned in, whispering and treating what he was about to say like a secret he shouldn’t be sharing. “Some people are actually happy to see me.” - sharing, "some (just like it was in the version where the dialogue wasn't split… *g*)
He took a few steps toward the Consulate before pausing to add, “it’s for you as well, old friend. - add, "It's
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I put one vote for the drabble and the ficlet for you.
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And I love the story (in whichever version). It has a lovely tone to it. :-)
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In the ficlet, I love the part about Jack keeping an eye on Fraser, and Bob keeping an eye on Jack...
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And I'll reword the ending...
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