donutsweeper (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
donutsweeper) wrote2007-11-05 11:41 am
donutsweeper) wrote2007-11-05 11:41 am
Entry tags:
The Case of the Pine Cone Liberation Organization
Title: The Case of the Pine Cone Liberation Organization
Pairing/Rating/Warning: None, rated G
Word Count: 777
Summary: Owen and Jack discuss a possible case. Owen's POV.
Beta:unfeathered
Author's Note: Jack gives Owen this newspaper article. For their previous adventure with Murray read this story.
“Murray's back,” Jack announced as he walked past my desk.
Murray... Murray... Murray... Who the hell was Murray? I was about to call out and ask him when I took a look at his face. He had that 'come on and prove to me that you're as incompetent as I think you are so I can fire your ass' look. So, I decided to keep my mouth shut. I hate that look; I get it far too often. He dropped a folder on my desk, hopefully it would have some answers for me.
Inside was a printout from a newspaper called The Missoulian.
“The Pine Cone Liberation Organization,” he muttered. “Idiots.”
I quickly skimmed the article. Let’s see... apparently fire investigators were blaming several recent fires on 'an unlikely group of arsonists,' namely squirrels. Oh crap, that Murray.
Jack snatched the paper out of my hands and began reading it out loud. “A lapse in squirrel-oversight intelligence had allowed the PCLO to engage in recon, planning and sabotage without fear of consequence or retribution.” He shook the paper in my face. “Oh, no. There’s going to be retribution. There will definitely be retribution!”
“I thought he just had a thing for chocolate...” I began to say, before drifting off under Jack’s glare.
“You never did read those memos after that previous incident with him, did you?” It was more of a statement of disappointment than a question, but I’m used to that when it comes to Jack.
“I’m sure I’ve got them around here somewhere.” I gestured at the random piles of papers strewn about that supposedly made up my filing system. Standing up, I made a half-hearted attempt at pawing through the stacks without having any fall over. Ianto kept offering to organize it for me, but since that meant I might actually have a chance of finding things and therefore lose my excuse for not being able to fill out necessary paperwork, I keep turning him down.
Jack ran a hand over his face. “You do remember Helsinki, right?” He was frustrated with me all right, but not ready to kill me, not yet anyway.
Helsinki. Who could forget our mad dash to Finland to stand in the rain to freeze our arses off on a stakeout for a chocoholic squirrel? It was the highlight of the summer! Especially the way Jack had threatened it with a pulse canon, and not to mention how it stuck its tongue out at us before taking off in a bush-shaped spaceship.
“So,” I wasn’t really sure where to begin, “is another stakeout in our future? Do we have to hop a flight to Missoulia? Or is it Missoula?” Either way I had no idea where the heck we’d be heading. America somewhere, but no way I could narrow it down further.
Jack just sighed in response, adding in that slight shake of his head he always gave when he was itching to hit someone but somehow managed to stop himself. I always did admire that man’s restraint.
“Missoula.” he finally said, eyes closed and teeth clenched. “It’s in Montana.”
I knew better than to ask him where Montana is exactly. I was pretty sure it was one of those states in the middle somewhere, but Googling it to find out which one was probably safer than asking Jack for a geography lesson. “Should I start packing then?” I tried to sound like there was nothing in the world I wanted to do more than travel to Montana to chase after an arsonist squirrel. I knew I failed horribly in my attempt, but at least I tried.
“No. I’ll inform UNIT though. They have jurisdiction there and teams nearby. Or, closer than we are anyways. Besides, I’m not sure we have the sort of firepower necessary for a task like this.”
Just how much firepower Jack thought was necessary to take out a squirrel or two was something I really did not want to know. And, luckily, it looked like I wasn’t going to have to find out. “I’m sure UNIT’ll be able to handle it,” I said, innocently.
Jack huffed in response, his opinions about UNIT’s competence were legendary. “Keep the article though,” he told me before he turned and walked away. “And file it with the Helsinki one.”
“Right. I’ll just go ahead and file it...” Ummm, sure, file it. Once I was sure Jack couldn’t see me I shoved it randomly into the center of one of the piles. There. Filed. I leaned back, hands behind my head and put my feet up on my desk. Maybe arsonist squirrels weren’t as bad as I thought they’d be.
Author's Note #2: If anyone reads any other newspaper articles that might suggest something else Murray has been up to, please let me know.
Pairing/Rating/Warning: None, rated G
Word Count: 777
Summary: Owen and Jack discuss a possible case. Owen's POV.
Beta:
unfeatheredAuthor's Note: Jack gives Owen this newspaper article. For their previous adventure with Murray read this story.
“Murray's back,” Jack announced as he walked past my desk.
Murray... Murray... Murray... Who the hell was Murray? I was about to call out and ask him when I took a look at his face. He had that 'come on and prove to me that you're as incompetent as I think you are so I can fire your ass' look. So, I decided to keep my mouth shut. I hate that look; I get it far too often. He dropped a folder on my desk, hopefully it would have some answers for me.
Inside was a printout from a newspaper called The Missoulian.
“The Pine Cone Liberation Organization,” he muttered. “Idiots.”
I quickly skimmed the article. Let’s see... apparently fire investigators were blaming several recent fires on 'an unlikely group of arsonists,' namely squirrels. Oh crap, that Murray.
Jack snatched the paper out of my hands and began reading it out loud. “A lapse in squirrel-oversight intelligence had allowed the PCLO to engage in recon, planning and sabotage without fear of consequence or retribution.” He shook the paper in my face. “Oh, no. There’s going to be retribution. There will definitely be retribution!”
“I thought he just had a thing for chocolate...” I began to say, before drifting off under Jack’s glare.
“You never did read those memos after that previous incident with him, did you?” It was more of a statement of disappointment than a question, but I’m used to that when it comes to Jack.
“I’m sure I’ve got them around here somewhere.” I gestured at the random piles of papers strewn about that supposedly made up my filing system. Standing up, I made a half-hearted attempt at pawing through the stacks without having any fall over. Ianto kept offering to organize it for me, but since that meant I might actually have a chance of finding things and therefore lose my excuse for not being able to fill out necessary paperwork, I keep turning him down.
Jack ran a hand over his face. “You do remember Helsinki, right?” He was frustrated with me all right, but not ready to kill me, not yet anyway.
Helsinki. Who could forget our mad dash to Finland to stand in the rain to freeze our arses off on a stakeout for a chocoholic squirrel? It was the highlight of the summer! Especially the way Jack had threatened it with a pulse canon, and not to mention how it stuck its tongue out at us before taking off in a bush-shaped spaceship.
“So,” I wasn’t really sure where to begin, “is another stakeout in our future? Do we have to hop a flight to Missoulia? Or is it Missoula?” Either way I had no idea where the heck we’d be heading. America somewhere, but no way I could narrow it down further.
Jack just sighed in response, adding in that slight shake of his head he always gave when he was itching to hit someone but somehow managed to stop himself. I always did admire that man’s restraint.
“Missoula.” he finally said, eyes closed and teeth clenched. “It’s in Montana.”
I knew better than to ask him where Montana is exactly. I was pretty sure it was one of those states in the middle somewhere, but Googling it to find out which one was probably safer than asking Jack for a geography lesson. “Should I start packing then?” I tried to sound like there was nothing in the world I wanted to do more than travel to Montana to chase after an arsonist squirrel. I knew I failed horribly in my attempt, but at least I tried.
“No. I’ll inform UNIT though. They have jurisdiction there and teams nearby. Or, closer than we are anyways. Besides, I’m not sure we have the sort of firepower necessary for a task like this.”
Just how much firepower Jack thought was necessary to take out a squirrel or two was something I really did not want to know. And, luckily, it looked like I wasn’t going to have to find out. “I’m sure UNIT’ll be able to handle it,” I said, innocently.
Jack huffed in response, his opinions about UNIT’s competence were legendary. “Keep the article though,” he told me before he turned and walked away. “And file it with the Helsinki one.”
“Right. I’ll just go ahead and file it...” Ummm, sure, file it. Once I was sure Jack couldn’t see me I shoved it randomly into the center of one of the piles. There. Filed. I leaned back, hands behind my head and put my feet up on my desk. Maybe arsonist squirrels weren’t as bad as I thought they’d be.
Author's Note #2: If anyone reads any other newspaper articles that might suggest something else Murray has been up to, please let me know.
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http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=18554&in_page_id=2
There's links to other great squirrel stories on that page including some closer to home that would be in Torchwoods jurisdiction not UNITs
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When I was a kid there was a squirrel that came around that was particularly friendly, and I spent a lot of time using food to try and get it to come closer and closer to me. Then I happened to go with my dad to a sporting goods store where the owner had just put up a mounted squirrel and it had these huge teeth that scared the beejezus out of me. Thus ended my attempts to befriend any squirrels.
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not Murray anything but Murray!
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If all it takes to chase off squirrels in Missoula is waving a broom, they're clearly a less hardly breed than the ones in my neighborhood. These critters wait until you're almost in reach before scampering off, flicking their tails in a manner I can only call insulti... Hmm. Anybody got Jack's e-mail? If Murray's in town & brought friends, I want somebody with a personal axe to grind...
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If anyone reads any other newspaper articles that might suggest something else Murray has been up to, please let me know.
Heh, before I even saw this I was thinking, "Guess who's getting every weird squirrel article I run across for the rest of my life?" I'd forgotten about that squirrel site linked above, but it's a good resource about the incipient threat of our bushy-tailed neighbors.
I love Owen's ways of escaping paperwork. That does sound like him, just getting by in areas he's not too enthused about, and finding ways to not let it make him look bad.
I'll have to see if I can find some pictures of Nutsy, the first squirrel to visit my balcony regularly five years ago. He was named not for his food preferences but for his giant, swinging... well, you know. He has a granddaughter now who has the most tattered ears I've ever seen. I think she's a star on the underground dog/squirrel fighting circuit.
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Any and all fodder for Murray stories are happily accepted!
He was named not for his food preferences but for his giant, swinging...
*DIES* OMG! Too funny
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And sometimes they're just drunk. Murray would be so ashamed.
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*Goes off to find squirrel stuff*
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Killer squirrels (http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4489792.stm)
Spy qquirrels (http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3425130,00.html)
Obviously squirrel sabotage! (http://wcco.com/seenon/squirrels.car.Tiffany.2.351022.html)
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Squirrels briefly kill power in 2 cities
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cumbria/7096816.stm
Squirrel's epic swim across lake
http://www.maniacworld.com/squirrel-obstacle-course.html
A militant squirrel army training centre somewhere in the heart of the UK
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