donutsweeper (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
donutsweeper) wrote2007-08-11 10:58 pm
donutsweeper) wrote2007-08-11 10:58 pm
Invisible Scars
Title: Invisible Scars
Pairing/Rating/Warning: Vague spoilers for "Last of the Time Lords"
Word Count: 1283
Summary: Ianto confronts Jack over what happened while he was away from Torchwood
Author's Notes: This fic came about due to a discussion withfajrdrako over my ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
tw100 drabble The Conference Call and the idea that Jack wouldn't be able to hide the emotional fallout after what happened to him during the year that never was.
Pairing/Rating/Warning: Vague spoilers for "Last of the Time Lords"
Word Count: 1283
Summary: Ianto confronts Jack over what happened while he was away from Torchwood
Author's Notes: This fic came about due to a discussion with
fajrdrako over my tw100 drabble The Conference Call and the idea that Jack wouldn't be able to hide the emotional fallout after what happened to him during the year that never was.There was something wrong with Jack.
On the surface he seemed fine, happier than he’d ever been, more relaxed, more at ease. They all had been so thrilled at his return. He joked with them about missing him, and apologized for disappearing and made vague, unintelligible comments about where he had gone and what he had done.
And so, life continued. As the days passed cases and situations arose that needed Torchwood and they answered the call without hesitation. They all slid back into the familiar patterns from before Jack’s disappearance. Jack continued to throw himself in danger, to protect the team, just like he always had, but there was a desperation in the way he did it that Ianto couldn’t help but notice. There was also that slight haunted look in his eyes that he couldn’t quite hide from Ianto either.
That was why Ianto was still at the Hub that night, long after Owen, Gwen and Tosh had gone home. It had been a terrible day and when Jack had sent them home he’d seemed so despondent and bone-weary that Ianto had been concerned. So instead of leaving he went down to the Archives for a bit, planning on checking up on Jack after he’d had some time to collect himself.
Ianto slowly made his way up to the conference room. Piles and piles of paperwork were strewn about completely covering the table, except for a small section where Jack was asleep. For a man who seemed to vibrate with energy the utter stillness was slightly unnerving. Ianto entered the room slowly, trying not to disturb the older man. Noticing Jack’s coat in a heap on the floor he picked it up and smoothed the creases out. Thinking Jack might get cold, but being unwilling to actually wake him up, Ianto reached over to lay the coat over Jack. By accident his hand brushed against Jack’s wrist.
Jack screamed. A terrible, raw, pained scream. Suddenly Jack was on his feet, spinning away from the table, away from Ianto. He was white as a sheet and his eyes wide, but unseeing. Ianto didn’t react fast enough to prevent Jack from smashing into the chair and crashing to the floor. Within seconds it was over, the screamed died out and Jack was huddled in the corner, gasping for breath, his whole body shuddering and shaking and his eyes were unfocused.
“Jack?” Ianto approached him slowly. Although Jack was looking straight at him it was obvious Jack wasn’t registering that he was there. “Jack? It’s okay. You’re safe.” He squatted down a few feet away from Jack, not wanting to invade his personal space and inadvertently set off another reaction. “You’re in the Hub. It’s Ianto. You’re okay.” He slowly inched forward the slightest bit.
Jack blinked a few times, his breathing starting to even out.
“Shh... it’s okay Jack, everything okay...”
He watched as Jack’s eyes slowly flicked around the room. “Ianto?” He asked, so softly, barely above a whisper.
“I’m right here, Sir.” Ianto replied, moving a little closer.
“No. Not here. Not really here.” There was a quiet, child-like desperation in his voice.
“Jack, It’s me. I’m here. See?” Ianto reached out and touched Jack’s hand, only to have it immediately pulled away.
“Oh god, oh god, oh god...” Jack repeated over and over, rocketing to his feet. He started to run for the door but only managed two steps before the adrenaline rush overwhelmed him and he crumpled, but Ianto was there, gathering him up in his arms before he could hit the floor.
“It’s okay, shhhh...” Ianto held his Captain tightly, rocking back and forth. He just sat there, stroking Jack’s hair, murmuring nonsense in soothing tones, waiting for whatever terrors had seized hold of Jack to pass.
Ianto wasn’t sure how long they stayed there. Eventually he felt Jack stiffen slightly and realized he had regained consciousness and his composure.
“Jack? You with me now?”
“Yeah. Sorry. I.. just... well... sorry.”
“Nothing to apologize for.” Ianto said, gently shifting and sliding backwards a little so that he leaned against the wall. Jack stayed in his arms for a second longer before slipping out and moving slightly to sit next to him.
Ianto watched Jack carefully. He couldn’t help but notice how Jack was rubbing his wrists. It was such a subtle and unconscious gesture, Ianto wasn’t sure Jack was even aware he was doing it. Thinking back, he realized that Jack had been doing that a lot since he returned. In fact there were a number of little things that had seemed off with Jack since then, the lost weight, the phantom pain in his wrists, the haunted look in his eyes, and when you added them together with everything that had just happened...
“Jack, do you want to talk about it?”
“What? I’m.. no, there’s nothing.. I mean...” Jack trailed off, running his hands over his face, sighing deeply.
But Ianto couldn’t let him avoid the subject. He suspected that if couldn’t get Jack to talk about whatever had happened things would only get worse. “Jack while you were gone, was it longer for you than it was for us?”
At first it seemed like Jack wasn’t going to answer. But then he nodded weakly.
“How long?”
“A little more than a year.”
Ianto worded the next question carefully. “Did you want to be gone that long?”
Again there was a long pause before Jack quickly shook his head.
“Was there a reason you couldn’t come back sooner?”
Jack seemed to shrink into himself and, for a second, Ianto was afraid he’d pushed Jack too far, but then Jack whispered, “yes.”
Ianto waited for Jack to explain further, but soon realized he was going to have to force the story out of Jack piece by piece. He only hoped Jack wouldn’t shut down or break completely during the process. “Tell me about it.” It was an order, but only just. But somehow, god knows how, it worked.
“He held me prisoner.” Jack started, in a soft scared tone of voice Ianto would have never thought possible from his Captain. “I could have escaped, really, I could have. But if I had he would have taken it out on the others. I couldn’t let him do that.” He laughed, a horse, horrified laugh. “So I let him... I let him do what he did to me. Everything he did to me. I let him. I had to.” Jack choked back a sob. “There was no other way...”
It was a few moments before Ianto broke the silence to ask, “the others, are they okay?”
“Yes.”
“Then you did the right thing.”
Jack turned to look at him, “but I let him... I let him...” Whatever it was that his kidnapper had done to him it was terrible enough he couldn’t put it in words.
“Then don’t let him hurt you any further.” He squeezed Jack’s shoulder. “You did the right thing. You survived. Maybe not unscathed, but you survived, and so did the people you were trying to protect.” He was rewarded with a slight smile. “You don’t have to talk about what happened. Not today, not if you don’t want to. But if you ever do... you know where to find me.” He jumped to his feet and held out his arm to Jack. “Now, what do you say I make us some coffee?” Jack eyed him for a moment and then took his arm and let himself be pulled to his feet.
“Thanks Ianto, coffee would be great,” was all Jack said, but they both knew that it wasn’t the offer of coffee that he was thankful for.
On the surface he seemed fine, happier than he’d ever been, more relaxed, more at ease. They all had been so thrilled at his return. He joked with them about missing him, and apologized for disappearing and made vague, unintelligible comments about where he had gone and what he had done.
And so, life continued. As the days passed cases and situations arose that needed Torchwood and they answered the call without hesitation. They all slid back into the familiar patterns from before Jack’s disappearance. Jack continued to throw himself in danger, to protect the team, just like he always had, but there was a desperation in the way he did it that Ianto couldn’t help but notice. There was also that slight haunted look in his eyes that he couldn’t quite hide from Ianto either.
That was why Ianto was still at the Hub that night, long after Owen, Gwen and Tosh had gone home. It had been a terrible day and when Jack had sent them home he’d seemed so despondent and bone-weary that Ianto had been concerned. So instead of leaving he went down to the Archives for a bit, planning on checking up on Jack after he’d had some time to collect himself.
Ianto slowly made his way up to the conference room. Piles and piles of paperwork were strewn about completely covering the table, except for a small section where Jack was asleep. For a man who seemed to vibrate with energy the utter stillness was slightly unnerving. Ianto entered the room slowly, trying not to disturb the older man. Noticing Jack’s coat in a heap on the floor he picked it up and smoothed the creases out. Thinking Jack might get cold, but being unwilling to actually wake him up, Ianto reached over to lay the coat over Jack. By accident his hand brushed against Jack’s wrist.
Jack screamed. A terrible, raw, pained scream. Suddenly Jack was on his feet, spinning away from the table, away from Ianto. He was white as a sheet and his eyes wide, but unseeing. Ianto didn’t react fast enough to prevent Jack from smashing into the chair and crashing to the floor. Within seconds it was over, the screamed died out and Jack was huddled in the corner, gasping for breath, his whole body shuddering and shaking and his eyes were unfocused.
“Jack?” Ianto approached him slowly. Although Jack was looking straight at him it was obvious Jack wasn’t registering that he was there. “Jack? It’s okay. You’re safe.” He squatted down a few feet away from Jack, not wanting to invade his personal space and inadvertently set off another reaction. “You’re in the Hub. It’s Ianto. You’re okay.” He slowly inched forward the slightest bit.
Jack blinked a few times, his breathing starting to even out.
“Shh... it’s okay Jack, everything okay...”
He watched as Jack’s eyes slowly flicked around the room. “Ianto?” He asked, so softly, barely above a whisper.
“I’m right here, Sir.” Ianto replied, moving a little closer.
“No. Not here. Not really here.” There was a quiet, child-like desperation in his voice.
“Jack, It’s me. I’m here. See?” Ianto reached out and touched Jack’s hand, only to have it immediately pulled away.
“Oh god, oh god, oh god...” Jack repeated over and over, rocketing to his feet. He started to run for the door but only managed two steps before the adrenaline rush overwhelmed him and he crumpled, but Ianto was there, gathering him up in his arms before he could hit the floor.
“It’s okay, shhhh...” Ianto held his Captain tightly, rocking back and forth. He just sat there, stroking Jack’s hair, murmuring nonsense in soothing tones, waiting for whatever terrors had seized hold of Jack to pass.
Ianto wasn’t sure how long they stayed there. Eventually he felt Jack stiffen slightly and realized he had regained consciousness and his composure.
“Jack? You with me now?”
“Yeah. Sorry. I.. just... well... sorry.”
“Nothing to apologize for.” Ianto said, gently shifting and sliding backwards a little so that he leaned against the wall. Jack stayed in his arms for a second longer before slipping out and moving slightly to sit next to him.
Ianto watched Jack carefully. He couldn’t help but notice how Jack was rubbing his wrists. It was such a subtle and unconscious gesture, Ianto wasn’t sure Jack was even aware he was doing it. Thinking back, he realized that Jack had been doing that a lot since he returned. In fact there were a number of little things that had seemed off with Jack since then, the lost weight, the phantom pain in his wrists, the haunted look in his eyes, and when you added them together with everything that had just happened...
“Jack, do you want to talk about it?”
“What? I’m.. no, there’s nothing.. I mean...” Jack trailed off, running his hands over his face, sighing deeply.
But Ianto couldn’t let him avoid the subject. He suspected that if couldn’t get Jack to talk about whatever had happened things would only get worse. “Jack while you were gone, was it longer for you than it was for us?”
At first it seemed like Jack wasn’t going to answer. But then he nodded weakly.
“How long?”
“A little more than a year.”
Ianto worded the next question carefully. “Did you want to be gone that long?”
Again there was a long pause before Jack quickly shook his head.
“Was there a reason you couldn’t come back sooner?”
Jack seemed to shrink into himself and, for a second, Ianto was afraid he’d pushed Jack too far, but then Jack whispered, “yes.”
Ianto waited for Jack to explain further, but soon realized he was going to have to force the story out of Jack piece by piece. He only hoped Jack wouldn’t shut down or break completely during the process. “Tell me about it.” It was an order, but only just. But somehow, god knows how, it worked.
“He held me prisoner.” Jack started, in a soft scared tone of voice Ianto would have never thought possible from his Captain. “I could have escaped, really, I could have. But if I had he would have taken it out on the others. I couldn’t let him do that.” He laughed, a horse, horrified laugh. “So I let him... I let him do what he did to me. Everything he did to me. I let him. I had to.” Jack choked back a sob. “There was no other way...”
It was a few moments before Ianto broke the silence to ask, “the others, are they okay?”
“Yes.”
“Then you did the right thing.”
Jack turned to look at him, “but I let him... I let him...” Whatever it was that his kidnapper had done to him it was terrible enough he couldn’t put it in words.
“Then don’t let him hurt you any further.” He squeezed Jack’s shoulder. “You did the right thing. You survived. Maybe not unscathed, but you survived, and so did the people you were trying to protect.” He was rewarded with a slight smile. “You don’t have to talk about what happened. Not today, not if you don’t want to. But if you ever do... you know where to find me.” He jumped to his feet and held out his arm to Jack. “Now, what do you say I make us some coffee?” Jack eyed him for a moment and then took his arm and let himself be pulled to his feet.
“Thanks Ianto, coffee would be great,” was all Jack said, but they both knew that it wasn’t the offer of coffee that he was thankful for.
no subject
I like how you have him saying he could have escaped but the Master would have taken it out on the others. What a long way he's come since we first met him!
no subject
no subject
And I have to admit, the idea of a whole year being tortured to death over and over again is almost too horrific to bear. I'd like to think there were times - long periods of time - when Jack wasn't being tortured. But the facts we're given in canon (the Master's glee that he can kill Jack again and again and then, at the other end of the year, Jack in chains) do seem to support the whole year like that thing.
Sorry, got away from the point there. But what I was trying to say is: did RTD really mean us to think that's what happened to Jack and if so, how can there possibly not be fallout from it in the next season of Torchwood?!
no subject
Unfortunately, RTD has implied that DW and TW will be kept separate. There SHOULD be fallout, but with only 13 episodes, and the fact that since the events he'd be referencing occurred on a different show it would make it harder to deal with them on TW. Not impossible, but it just makes it unlikely.