donutsweeper (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
donutsweeper) wrote2007-11-25 10:08 pm
donutsweeper) wrote2007-11-25 10:08 pm
Entry tags:
Meta post- on writing drabbles
Recently I was discussing with mad_jaks the wonders of fighting with a drabble's word count. Far too often you're fighting to reach that perfect 100 words. It'll want to be 97, or 102, anything but 100. Or, you manage 100, but it doesn't quite deliver the punch you'd like.
And I've written a lot of drabbles lately, more than 30 in the past 4 weeks alone.
With all the Jack/Jack stories that have been posted lately I've found myself pondering the changes in Jack from DW S1 to TW S1 and DW S3. If he changed that much in 150 or so years, what changes would there be in 1500 years? Or 15,000? And I thought about the constant in his life through all the episodes we'd seen him in, his wrist computer.
Here are the various drabbles (each, somehow, the perfect 100 words), with commentary on why they did or didn't work, that came about as a result.
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So, with those thoughts in mind I began to write. In my first attempt I focused mostly on the computer itself.
He picked up a new wrist computer as soon as he could and wore it on his right wrist. It was a 52nd century model, snazzier with more bells and whistles than his earlier one. And it worked, which was always a plus. But he still wore the old one on his left. It didn’t work anymore and he told himself he wore it because he’d gotten so used to the bloody thing and besides it looked damn sexy. But he knew it was a lie, there was something about it that he just couldn’t bear to give it up.
But it didn't really have the punch I was going for. I liked that he'd go for the familiar, the thing that had been a constant in his life, and a tie to his past, but overall the drabble lacked quite a bit in my book.
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Therefore, onto the second, with a slightly different slant.
The strap on his wrist computer gave out somewhere around its seventh century. Not a bad life span overall, but not quite the lifetime guarantee that had been promised him. Jack figured he’d gotten his money’s worth out of it though, and since some of the mechanisms still worked he had a case constructed for it so he could carry it around in his pocket. By the time it reached its second millennium there wasn’t a circuit in the thing that hadn’t fried, so, with a tinge of regret, he relegated it to a place of honor on the mantelpiece.
Again, it was good, much better than the first, but still not right. I liked the idea of the place of honor on the mantle, but it never exactly got to the point I was trying to make in the drabble.
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So, I tried again. I felt the premise in the second worked better so I stuck with it.
The strap on his wrist computer finally gave out somewhere around its seventeenth century. Not a bad life span overall, although far from the lifetime guarantee it had promised. Some of the mechanisms still worked though, so he had a case constructed so he could carry it in his pocket. Two thousand years later, when every circuit had fried, he relegated it to a spot on the mantelpiece. Eventually, the 51st Century came back around and he bought a new one. He wasn’t sure what was different, but it never felt right on his wrist.
Ignoring the basic math mistake, this was closer to what I was trying to say, but not quite there yet. Something was missing in the way the replacement computer failed to properly replace the original one. I was a little bothered about dropping the 'place of honor' bit, but felt it worked fine without it.
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Now it was mostly done, I just had to do some tweaking.
The strap on his wrist computer finally gave out somewhere around its seventh century. Not a bad life span overall, although far from the lifetime guarantee that had been promised. Some of the mechanisms still worked though, so he had a case constructed so he could carry it in his pocket. Two thousand years later, when every circuit had fried, he relegated it to a spot on the mantelpiece. Eventually, in the 51st Century again, he bought a new one, the same make and model as his first. He wasn’t sure why, but it never felt right on his wrist.
I played with the last line some more, trying to get it to say what I wanted, but I really didn't feel I succeeded.
------------------------------------------------------
So, I went at it with a hacksaw, which eventually led to the finished (and posted) version:
The strap on his wrist computer finally gave out somewhere around its seventh century. Since some of the mechanisms still worked he had a case constructed so he could carry it around in his pocket. Two thousand years later, when every circuit had fried, he relegated it to a spot on the mantelpiece.
Eventually, in the 51st Century again, he bought himself a new one. Even though it was the same make and model as his first, he found it terribly uncomfortable to wear. He had no idea why; it was the same and he was the same, wasn’t he?
Removing the line about the lifetime guarantee and making it the title turned out to be the key, it left the space to really put into words the premise behind the drabble, asking the reader to think about the changes that Jack himself might have gone though during his long life.
mad_jaks the wonders of fighting with a drabble's word count. Far too often you're fighting to reach that perfect 100 words. It'll want to be 97, or 102, anything but 100. Or, you manage 100, but it doesn't quite deliver the punch you'd like. And I've written a lot of drabbles lately, more than 30 in the past 4 weeks alone.
With all the Jack/Jack stories that have been posted lately I've found myself pondering the changes in Jack from DW S1 to TW S1 and DW S3. If he changed that much in 150 or so years, what changes would there be in 1500 years? Or 15,000? And I thought about the constant in his life through all the episodes we'd seen him in, his wrist computer.
Here are the various drabbles (each, somehow, the perfect 100 words), with commentary on why they did or didn't work, that came about as a result.
------------------------------------------------------------
So, with those thoughts in mind I began to write. In my first attempt I focused mostly on the computer itself.
He picked up a new wrist computer as soon as he could and wore it on his right wrist. It was a 52nd century model, snazzier with more bells and whistles than his earlier one. And it worked, which was always a plus. But he still wore the old one on his left. It didn’t work anymore and he told himself he wore it because he’d gotten so used to the bloody thing and besides it looked damn sexy. But he knew it was a lie, there was something about it that he just couldn’t bear to give it up.
But it didn't really have the punch I was going for. I liked that he'd go for the familiar, the thing that had been a constant in his life, and a tie to his past, but overall the drabble lacked quite a bit in my book.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Therefore, onto the second, with a slightly different slant.
The strap on his wrist computer gave out somewhere around its seventh century. Not a bad life span overall, but not quite the lifetime guarantee that had been promised him. Jack figured he’d gotten his money’s worth out of it though, and since some of the mechanisms still worked he had a case constructed for it so he could carry it around in his pocket. By the time it reached its second millennium there wasn’t a circuit in the thing that hadn’t fried, so, with a tinge of regret, he relegated it to a place of honor on the mantelpiece.
Again, it was good, much better than the first, but still not right. I liked the idea of the place of honor on the mantle, but it never exactly got to the point I was trying to make in the drabble.
---------------------------------------------------------------
So, I tried again. I felt the premise in the second worked better so I stuck with it.
The strap on his wrist computer finally gave out somewhere around its seventeenth century. Not a bad life span overall, although far from the lifetime guarantee it had promised. Some of the mechanisms still worked though, so he had a case constructed so he could carry it in his pocket. Two thousand years later, when every circuit had fried, he relegated it to a spot on the mantelpiece. Eventually, the 51st Century came back around and he bought a new one. He wasn’t sure what was different, but it never felt right on his wrist.
Ignoring the basic math mistake, this was closer to what I was trying to say, but not quite there yet. Something was missing in the way the replacement computer failed to properly replace the original one. I was a little bothered about dropping the 'place of honor' bit, but felt it worked fine without it.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Now it was mostly done, I just had to do some tweaking.
The strap on his wrist computer finally gave out somewhere around its seventh century. Not a bad life span overall, although far from the lifetime guarantee that had been promised. Some of the mechanisms still worked though, so he had a case constructed so he could carry it in his pocket. Two thousand years later, when every circuit had fried, he relegated it to a spot on the mantelpiece. Eventually, in the 51st Century again, he bought a new one, the same make and model as his first. He wasn’t sure why, but it never felt right on his wrist.
I played with the last line some more, trying to get it to say what I wanted, but I really didn't feel I succeeded.
------------------------------------------------------
So, I went at it with a hacksaw, which eventually led to the finished (and posted) version:
The strap on his wrist computer finally gave out somewhere around its seventh century. Since some of the mechanisms still worked he had a case constructed so he could carry it around in his pocket. Two thousand years later, when every circuit had fried, he relegated it to a spot on the mantelpiece.
Eventually, in the 51st Century again, he bought himself a new one. Even though it was the same make and model as his first, he found it terribly uncomfortable to wear. He had no idea why; it was the same and he was the same, wasn’t he?
Removing the line about the lifetime guarantee and making it the title turned out to be the key, it left the space to really put into words the premise behind the drabble, asking the reader to think about the changes that Jack himself might have gone though during his long life.
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And Congratulations on remembering to use 'Save As' :D
It's a relief to have another drabble writer say they have stuff that wants to come in at *less* than one hundred words. I always feel like I'm in a minority with that one - ever tried explaining how hard it was to *add* that final word?
And yes the first one would have had me poking it as well BUT I can see what it did do was crystalise *your* thinking about WHY Jack was still clinging to it which made the other variations possible. (I'd also have been wondering what he was up to in the 51st Century to not get one then ;-))
The second - UM - in my head 'relegated' and 'place of honour' are almost opposites. Though relegated works fine on it's own in the next version because by then it's become a treasured object he wants to see every day :-)
I like the fact you've maintained a firm grip on the passage of time - I always do the maths as I go along - I'm weird like that ;-)
Fourth version: definitely a good choice to bring in the 'why' word :D
And the fifth version: bringing in that paragraph? Big thumbs up for that one - the physical break really emphasises that 'Eventually'.
Removing the line about the lifetime guarantee and making it the title
As you linked me straight here I missed the title BUT - and possibly because I read/write so many of them myself - I'd probably have taken it onboard in the way you meant.
asking the reader to think about the changes
Which takes us back to what you said last night about liking to make the reader think for themselves. *How* you accomplish this: give them an analogy; make them extrapolate; ask them the direct question; leave them hanging I don't care! Because they all work and are all great :D
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A lot of my drabbles come in at about 60-70 words in the first draft, so I have to add a fair bit to them - another whole thought, as it were. Then they'll often go over and I have to drag them back down again.
OR, if they turn out long on first draft and I prune them, then they'll often come in just under 100.
You Are Not Alone. *g*
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Oh gooooooody :D
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That's what I hate. Usually it's 90 something words, so I rework then it's 110 or so, then I rework it and it 97. that magic 100 always fights me
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I'm so glad to reads others have the too small word count too. Somehow, in no time at all I have a'finished' drabble but, at 92 words, then I futz around and its 98 or 99 and then spend half an hours tweaking it to be 100
I hadn't really thought about 'relegated' and 'place of honor' being opposites, more that he reluctantly placed it up there, but i can see how it'd read that way.
And I'm so glad making the reader *think* worked. Writing crack is fun, but this kind of piece is what I like best, giving someone something to ponder. The highest compliment I ever received was when someone told me they'd never really seen a character that way people and I'd really opened up their eyes.
Thanks for the indepth comments and the suggestion to do this meta in the first place!
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Love the finished product, by the way!
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Having said that, there's a lot I like about the first draft. Especially Jack acknowledging that he wears it partly because it looks sexy. (Because it does!) *g* You're right, though, that it doesn't pack the same punch.
As for 'lifetime guarantee' - thinking about it, isn't 700 years pretty good? Presumably even 51st century people don't usually live that long! *g*
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The lifetime guarantee line was supposed to be bittersweet, that he outlasts everything (and everyone) in his life :)
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I'm nattering, but this was a very cool concept. It gives me an idea for a meme, actually...hmmm...
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what was most interesting about this was I rarely think about why I make the changes, I just erased and rewrite bit that I feel don't quite work, but by writing this up I had to figure out what it was that motivated me to make the changes.