Ianto suddenly yelped with pain, and put a hand to his forehead. The fingers came away with streaks of blood.

"Ianto! What's wrong?" Jack spared him a quick glance before jumping out of the way of another missile.

"The bastard's put rocks in some of those snowballs!"

Jack hurried over to check more closely. The wound was bleeding freely in the manner of head wounds, but there seemed to be only slight damage. Jack scowled, and turned to face the pair of Timelords across the plaza.

"Hey! Keep the rocks out of it! Can't you even have a snowball fight without bloodshed?"

The Doctor looked genuinely disappointed, but the Master just smirked and fired his screwdriver from his left hand, the laser giving Jack no time to react. He waited for the pain where he saw it strike low on his body, but nothing happened.

Then his trousers fell down.

The Master laughed out loud, and the Doctor seemed torn between berating his partner and being equally amused. Jack sent one of his death glares at both of them, and bent to retrieve his clothes. As soon as he wasn't watching his opponents, a beautifully-aimed snowball hit him directly in the crotch.

Shit.

For a moment there was no effect, then the freezing wetness soaked into the thin cloth covering that most delicate spot. Jack howled and grabbed himself with both hands.

"Sir! Can I help?" It was Ianto, taking his turn to assess the damage done.

"Only if you can perform emergency fellatio," Jack replied through gritted teeth.

"Certainly, sir. Good thing it’s dark."