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donutsweeper ([personal profile] donutsweeper) wrote2007-11-27 09:48 pm
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How the Donuts saved the Holidays

This poem kind of sprung up in the comments of my latest journal entry.  Sections have been written by [personal profile] rustydog, [profile] hellenebright, [profile] smithy161, [profile] k_haldane and  [personal profile] travels_in_time. The title is via [profile] _medley_.  I didn't want it to get lost so here is in all its cracked and donuted glory.



'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Hub,
Not a Weevil was stirring, though the Hand went "Glub glub"...

Their stockings were hung by the cog-door with care
In hopes that The Doctor soon would be there

When down from the lift there came such a clatter
Jack sprang from his hatch to see what was the matter

Away to the water he went at a dash,
Forgetting his jim-jams to give us a flash

A flutter of papers, like new fallen snow
Spread a layer of litter on workstations below   

When what to his wondering eyes should come down
But a little blue box, with its lights flashing round

With a mad skinny pilot, so right round the bend
He knew in a flash it was Doc number ten

"Captain Jack!" said the man, "I've just come from London
to tell you, you really should put some more clothes on

cos something's been following me, faster and faster,
I'm starting to think that it could be the Master!"

More rapid than Weevils our Jack did begin
To yell for Ianto to bring some clothes in

Some trousers, with braces, a shirt and a vest
Two socks, his boots, and all of the rest

Ianto was willing, disturbingly so,
To dress up his Captain, and urged them to go

Out into the cold and the dark and the night
To save all of Wales from a Time Lord snowball fight

As he did up his coat, they heard from the Plass
The sinister sound of much breaking glass

When he picked up his gun, and was turning around
Down the lift shaft the Master came with a bound.

"Dear Doctor!" he said "Oh, and teaboy, and freak,
You cannot beat me, for you're all much too weak!

I'm here for a purpose, and one most nefarious,
All your lives are in balance, very precarious!"

His hair it was ginger, his face was a sight
His screwdriver soundless, it worked just by light

He ordered them out of the Hub in a hurry
To the Plass, where the snow was starting to flurry

He formed up two teams, one left and one right,
In order to have all the fun of a fight.

He paired with the Doctor, his friend from way back,
To take on the humans, Ianto and Jack.

They made balls from the snow, as white as old bones,
Though the Master, he cheated, and snuck in some stones.

They threw high! They threw low! They threw curve balls and straight!
Until the humans ran out. And were left to their fate.

The humans were beaten, and stood in defeat,
Until Jack suggested they should all have a treat.

He went into the Hub, and brought out a tray
Piled high with the donuts that ended the fray.

They passed round the treats, and soon they stood still
Gazing dreamily 'round once they'd eaten their fill.

Then the look in their eyes, it gave them away
As they ducked into the Hub, for more private play.

And I heard them exclaim, as they dove out of sight,
"Alien donuts for all, and to all a good night!"

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_medley_/ 2007-11-28 03:59 am (UTC)(link)
BWAHAHAHA! Oh, man, you wrote cracked-out poetry without me? That is the best thing ever.

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:00 am (UTC)(link)
it's not done, ADD TO IT. Keep it going. figure out a way to work in donuts. title it. there's plenty more for you to do!

[identity profile] travels-in-time.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:11 am (UTC)(link)
The humans were beaten, and stood in defeat,
Until Jack suggested they should all have a treat.
He went into the Hub, and brought out a tray
Piled high with the donuts that ended the fray.

They passed round the treats, and soon they stood still
Gazing dreamily 'round once they'd eaten their fill.
Then the looks in their eyes, it gave them away
As they ducked into the Hub, for more private play.

And I heard them exclaim, as they dove out of sight,
"Alien donuts for all, and to all a good night!"

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:12 am (UTC)(link)
You ROCK!!!! Now all it needs is a name!

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[identity profile] rustydog.livejournal.com - 2007-11-28 04:45 (UTC) - Expand

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[identity profile] smithy161.livejournal.com - 2007-11-28 09:47 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] travels-in-time.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:27 am (UTC)(link)
And this? Is why I love fandom.

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:28 am (UTC)(link)
isn't it just wonderful! makes me warm and fuzzy inside

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[identity profile] rustydog.livejournal.com - 2007-11-28 04:46 (UTC) - Expand

deleted scene.

[identity profile] k-haldane.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:32 am (UTC)(link)
Ianto suddenly yelped with pain, and put a hand to his forehead. The fingers came away with streaks of blood.

"Ianto! What's wrong?" Jack spared him a quick glance before jumping out of the way of another missile.

"The bastard's put rocks in some of those snowballs!"

Jack hurried over to check more closely. The wound was bleeding freely in the manner of head wounds, but there seemed to be only slight damage. Jack scowled, and turned to face the pair of Timelords across the plaza.

"Hey! Keep the rocks out of it! Can't you even have a snowball fight without bloodshed?"

The Doctor looked genuinely disappointed, but the Master just smirked and fired his screwdriver from his left hand, the laser giving Jack no time to react. He waited for the pain where he saw it strike low on his body, but nothing happened.

Then his trousers fell down.

The Master laughed out loud, and the Doctor seemed torn between berating his partner and being equally amused. Jack sent one of his death glares at both of them, and bent to retrieve his clothes. As soon as he wasn't watching his opponents, a beautifully-aimed snowball hit him directly in the crotch.

Shit.

For a moment there was no effect, then the freezing wetness soaked into the thin cloth covering that most delicate spot. Jack howled and grabbed himself with both hands.

"Sir! Can I help?" It was Ianto, taking his turn to assess the damage done.

"Only if you can perform emergency fellatio," Jack replied through gritted teeth.

"Certainly, sir. Good thing it’s dark."

Re: deleted scene.

[personal profile] unfeathered - 2007-11-28 19:16 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] travels-in-time.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:44 am (UTC)(link)
It's fine with me if the rest of y'all want to share...

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:45 am (UTC)(link)
excellent! one down, four to go!

[identity profile] rustydog.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:47 am (UTC)(link)
Well, I only contributed one couplet, but it's fine with me! I love that this happened!

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:49 am (UTC)(link)
but your little couplet set it all in motion! and I ♥ it too!

[identity profile] eumenidis.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 06:30 am (UTC)(link)
Practical demonstration of the principle of making love, not war.

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 03:43 pm (UTC)(link)
making love, not war with a smidge of insanity on the side

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[identity profile] eumenidis.livejournal.com - 2007-11-29 03:05 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] jadesfire2808.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 07:43 am (UTC)(link)
You're all so wonderfully insane - I love you all!

*squishes*

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 03:42 pm (UTC)(link)
careful, this sort of insanity might be catching!!!

[identity profile] mad-jaks.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 07:54 am (UTC)(link)
ROFLMAO

So hysterical that I *totally* forgive you for using the word Plass *shudders*

*goes to grub out an appropriate icon*

[identity profile] mad-jaks.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 07:58 am (UTC)(link)
Appropriate icon

OMG you made me use it and it's still only November!!!

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[identity profile] hellenebright.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 11:30 am (UTC)(link)
Didn't see this post (eventually fell asleep at computer and had to go to bed last night) so you have an alternative ending in the original. I like this one better though - did you write it?

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 03:38 pm (UTC)(link)
[livejournal.com profile] travels_in_time did the honors. I just complied it. I love that your ending worked in donuts too!

[identity profile] fatchickengirl.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Very funny!!! Should print up cards and sell them, you'd make heaps...

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 05:26 pm (UTC)(link)
although people will then sues us for their therapy bills :)

[identity profile] phoenix64.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:41 pm (UTC)(link)
ZOMG I adore you all so much! You all have beautiful cracked out brains!

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 05:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Hip hip hooray for cracked brains!
morgynleri: mostly pink with yellow and light blue background with black text reading 'criticize by creating' (Default)

[personal profile] morgynleri 2007-11-28 05:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Oooo! Pretty poem! Y'all rock.

Now, to keep the filking muses safely locked away in their box, far away from the Christmas carols. *adds more locks to the filk box*

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 05:28 pm (UTC)(link)
uh-oh.. those locks on the filk box don't look all that strong to me

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[personal profile] morgynleri - 2007-11-28 17:40 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] bunnii0.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 05:24 pm (UTC)(link)
*grins insanely*

This has just got to be the best thing since sliced bread. (Why do people say that... it's not even that great... you can get a knife and cut the bread yourself :P)

... This is the perfect version of the poem. :D

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 05:29 pm (UTC)(link)
We got an insane grin!! Woo-hoo!!!!

[identity profile] mallochai.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 05:54 pm (UTC)(link)
BRILLIANT!

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 06:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Three cheers to all the authors!

[identity profile] love-jackianto.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 05:59 pm (UTC)(link)
Great poem! Timelord Snowball fight! HAHA

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 06:01 pm (UTC)(link)
And the Master would *totally* cheat in a snowball fight, right?

[identity profile] super-girl-42.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 06:28 pm (UTC)(link)
That was hilarious! Be right back while I wipe the mascara tracks from my face! ROFL! xx

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 07:55 pm (UTC)(link)
*Passes tissues* there probably should have been a 'crack ahead' warning on the poem! :) Sorry!

[identity profile] jovialien.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 06:46 pm (UTC)(link)
Teeeheeheee marvellous!!!

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 07:55 pm (UTC)(link)
you icon fits this poem perfectly!

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[identity profile] jovialien.livejournal.com - 2007-11-28 19:58 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] torn-eledhwen.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 07:00 pm (UTC)(link)
*Wild applause*

Most excellent!
unfeathered: (Ten Oh shit)

[personal profile] unfeathered 2007-11-28 07:15 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, that is brilliant. Utterly perfect. Love it! :-)

Typo: Then the looks in their eyes, it gave them away - 'look' would make more sense... *g*

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 07:17 pm (UTC)(link)
[livejournal.com profile] travels_in_time came up with that bit in 30 seconds, I supposed you're right though

[identity profile] ladyharkness.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 07:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow! You win the internets for this :) Amazing

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 08:02 pm (UTC)(link)
it was a wonderful group effort! :)

[identity profile] rachel68620.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 08:00 pm (UTC)(link)
*stops laughing enough to type.* that was great. LOL

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 09:00 pm (UTC)(link)
Glad you enjoyed it!

[identity profile] nightrider101.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 08:59 pm (UTC)(link)
hehehe This was perfect! Thanks for the holiday cheer and the laughs!

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 09:00 pm (UTC)(link)
We in the donut empire aim to please!

[identity profile] galaxy-song.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 09:43 pm (UTC)(link)
yay this was grand

"Dear Doctor!" he said "Oh, and teaboy, and freak,
You cannot beat me, for you're all much too weak!


so well done

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 11:01 pm (UTC)(link)
*bows* glad you liked

[identity profile] geordie-star.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 10:59 pm (UTC)(link)
This is total genius! Have a Dalek Cookie!

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 11:01 pm (UTC)(link)
the donut empire sends its thanks

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