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donutsweeper ([personal profile] donutsweeper) wrote2007-11-27 09:48 pm
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How the Donuts saved the Holidays

This poem kind of sprung up in the comments of my latest journal entry.  Sections have been written by [personal profile] rustydog, [profile] hellenebright, [profile] smithy161, [profile] k_haldane and  [personal profile] travels_in_time. The title is via [profile] _medley_.  I didn't want it to get lost so here is in all its cracked and donuted glory.



'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Hub,
Not a Weevil was stirring, though the Hand went "Glub glub"...

Their stockings were hung by the cog-door with care
In hopes that The Doctor soon would be there

When down from the lift there came such a clatter
Jack sprang from his hatch to see what was the matter

Away to the water he went at a dash,
Forgetting his jim-jams to give us a flash

A flutter of papers, like new fallen snow
Spread a layer of litter on workstations below   

When what to his wondering eyes should come down
But a little blue box, with its lights flashing round

With a mad skinny pilot, so right round the bend
He knew in a flash it was Doc number ten

"Captain Jack!" said the man, "I've just come from London
to tell you, you really should put some more clothes on

cos something's been following me, faster and faster,
I'm starting to think that it could be the Master!"

More rapid than Weevils our Jack did begin
To yell for Ianto to bring some clothes in

Some trousers, with braces, a shirt and a vest
Two socks, his boots, and all of the rest

Ianto was willing, disturbingly so,
To dress up his Captain, and urged them to go

Out into the cold and the dark and the night
To save all of Wales from a Time Lord snowball fight

As he did up his coat, they heard from the Plass
The sinister sound of much breaking glass

When he picked up his gun, and was turning around
Down the lift shaft the Master came with a bound.

"Dear Doctor!" he said "Oh, and teaboy, and freak,
You cannot beat me, for you're all much too weak!

I'm here for a purpose, and one most nefarious,
All your lives are in balance, very precarious!"

His hair it was ginger, his face was a sight
His screwdriver soundless, it worked just by light

He ordered them out of the Hub in a hurry
To the Plass, where the snow was starting to flurry

He formed up two teams, one left and one right,
In order to have all the fun of a fight.

He paired with the Doctor, his friend from way back,
To take on the humans, Ianto and Jack.

They made balls from the snow, as white as old bones,
Though the Master, he cheated, and snuck in some stones.

They threw high! They threw low! They threw curve balls and straight!
Until the humans ran out. And were left to their fate.

The humans were beaten, and stood in defeat,
Until Jack suggested they should all have a treat.

He went into the Hub, and brought out a tray
Piled high with the donuts that ended the fray.

They passed round the treats, and soon they stood still
Gazing dreamily 'round once they'd eaten their fill.

Then the look in their eyes, it gave them away
As they ducked into the Hub, for more private play.

And I heard them exclaim, as they dove out of sight,
"Alien donuts for all, and to all a good night!"

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_medley_/ 2007-11-28 03:59 am (UTC)(link)
BWAHAHAHA! Oh, man, you wrote cracked-out poetry without me? That is the best thing ever.

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:00 am (UTC)(link)
it's not done, ADD TO IT. Keep it going. figure out a way to work in donuts. title it. there's plenty more for you to do!

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_medley_/ 2007-11-28 04:05 am (UTC)(link)
I'm just impressed somebody managed to rhyme precarious and nefarious. ...I don't think I can touch that, really.

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:07 am (UTC)(link)
that part was [livejournal.com profile] smithy161. Come on... you can add to it... or name it... make your stamp upon the world Baroness!

[identity profile] travels-in-time.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:11 am (UTC)(link)
The humans were beaten, and stood in defeat,
Until Jack suggested they should all have a treat.
He went into the Hub, and brought out a tray
Piled high with the donuts that ended the fray.

They passed round the treats, and soon they stood still
Gazing dreamily 'round once they'd eaten their fill.
Then the looks in their eyes, it gave them away
As they ducked into the Hub, for more private play.

And I heard them exclaim, as they dove out of sight,
"Alien donuts for all, and to all a good night!"

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:12 am (UTC)(link)
You ROCK!!!! Now all it needs is a name!

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_medley_/ 2007-11-28 04:15 am (UTC)(link)
How the Donuts Saved Christmas?

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:17 am (UTC)(link)
Works for me... although I suppose they do so in a less than PG manner....

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_medley_/ 2007-11-28 04:18 am (UTC)(link)
Or just keep it simple and call it Torchwood Night Before Christmas.

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:19 am (UTC)(link)
well make up your mind donutdearie...

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_medley_/ 2007-11-28 04:21 am (UTC)(link)
I think it needs donuts in the title, since it's your journal.

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:22 am (UTC)(link)
good point... How the Donuts saved the Holidays then?

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_medley_/ 2007-11-28 04:23 am (UTC)(link)
That works!

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:27 am (UTC)(link)
Titled that then. *bows* my thanks Baroness!

eta- should I post it to the comms?

[identity profile] travels-in-time.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:27 am (UTC)(link)
And this? Is why I love fandom.

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:28 am (UTC)(link)
isn't it just wonderful! makes me warm and fuzzy inside

[identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_medley_/ 2007-11-28 04:31 am (UTC)(link)
::bows back::

As far as comms go, I'd probably ask the authors first? But I'm probably overcautious about stuff like that.

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:32 am (UTC)(link)
good plan. I'll edit that in

deleted scene.

[identity profile] k-haldane.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:32 am (UTC)(link)
Ianto suddenly yelped with pain, and put a hand to his forehead. The fingers came away with streaks of blood.

"Ianto! What's wrong?" Jack spared him a quick glance before jumping out of the way of another missile.

"The bastard's put rocks in some of those snowballs!"

Jack hurried over to check more closely. The wound was bleeding freely in the manner of head wounds, but there seemed to be only slight damage. Jack scowled, and turned to face the pair of Timelords across the plaza.

"Hey! Keep the rocks out of it! Can't you even have a snowball fight without bloodshed?"

The Doctor looked genuinely disappointed, but the Master just smirked and fired his screwdriver from his left hand, the laser giving Jack no time to react. He waited for the pain where he saw it strike low on his body, but nothing happened.

Then his trousers fell down.

The Master laughed out loud, and the Doctor seemed torn between berating his partner and being equally amused. Jack sent one of his death glares at both of them, and bent to retrieve his clothes. As soon as he wasn't watching his opponents, a beautifully-aimed snowball hit him directly in the crotch.

Shit.

For a moment there was no effect, then the freezing wetness soaked into the thin cloth covering that most delicate spot. Jack howled and grabbed himself with both hands.

"Sir! Can I help?" It was Ianto, taking his turn to assess the damage done.

"Only if you can perform emergency fellatio," Jack replied through gritted teeth.

"Certainly, sir. Good thing it’s dark."

Re: deleted scene.

[identity profile] travels-in-time.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:43 am (UTC)(link)
YOU WIN.

Re: deleted scene.

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:44 am (UTC)(link)
*ahem* Authors, you need to comment if its okay to post to the comms or not

[identity profile] travels-in-time.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:44 am (UTC)(link)
It's fine with me if the rest of y'all want to share...

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:45 am (UTC)(link)
excellent! one down, four to go!

[identity profile] rustydog.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:45 am (UTC)(link)
A MOST EXCELLENT conclusion, bravo!

And now, my friend, you have written donut fic.

::high fives donutsweeper::

[identity profile] donutsweeper.livejournal.com 2007-11-28 04:46 am (UTC)(link)
*high fives back* bwhahahaha the donut love is spreading!!!!!!

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