donutsweeper (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
donutsweeper) wrote2008-06-09 08:57 pm
donutsweeper) wrote2008-06-09 08:57 pm
Alphabet Soup
Title: Alphabet Soup
Pairing/Warning/Rating: None, rated G
Word Count: 640
Beta:smithy161
Summary: Jack discovers that his team has a certain pastime when it comes to tracking his deaths.
Author's Note: A birthday present for the wonderiffic_medley_, because what's a birthday without a few laughs?
Pairing/Warning/Rating: None, rated G
Word Count: 640
Beta:
smithy161Summary: Jack discovers that his team has a certain pastime when it comes to tracking his deaths.
Author's Note: A birthday present for the wonderiffic
_medley_, because what's a birthday without a few laughs?On his way back from changing into clean clothes, Jack was slightly suspicious when he heard something that sounded like giggling from the others. He stopped mid-stride when Owen called out, “Oi, it counts! We’re up to ‘M’ now.”
Careful to stay out of sight, Jack continued to listen in as Gwen argued, “No. It doesn’t count, it has to be alphabetical order. We agreed.”
“It did follow in alphabetical order, he was lynched!” Owen sounded very smug.
“No, he was hung. Again. That’s a repeat of ‘H’ which means we start again.” Jack rubbed his neck thinking back on his recent death. He wondered what exactly it must be that they were arguing about. Why would it matter if he had been hung or lynched?
“Nope, I looked it up. Definitely lynched.” Owen paused and Jack could hear frantic typing. “See,” Owen was obviously reading off the computer screen now, “it says ‘to put to death, especially by hanging, by mob action and without legal authority.’ That’s what happened.”
“Tosh?” Gwen called out. “You’re the list keeper here. What’s your opinion?”
There was a pause before Tosh replied, “He’s right. So, what should we call it? Lynched by a lecherous legion?”
Gwen groaned, but it was drowned out by Owen’s laughter. “That’s bad, Tosh,” she said when Owen had quieted down, “even for you.”
“So, what do we have so far?” Ianto joined the others, carrying a something that rattled a bit. Jack assumed it was the afternoon round of coffees.
“Well,” Tosh began, “are you sure we should be counting that time you and he...” Jack realized that Ianto must have nodded because then she began reading off a list of his recent deaths. “Autoerotic asphyxiation.” There was more laughing from both Owen and Gwen at that. Jack felt himself flush over the thought that Ianto had told the others about that little mishap, but didn’t have a chance to think on it further before the list continued. “Bludgeoned by a bugle.”
“Oh, now that one was a classic!” Owen sniggered, only to be hushed by Ianto.
“Are you going to keep interrupting me?”
“Sorry Tosh.” Owen didn’t sound the least bit contrite. “Go on.”
“Choked on a chestnut....”
“I thought we were going with ‘cut’ for that one?” Gwen interrupted. “That Crespallion nearly cut his head off trying to help.”
“He choked before being cut, but I think either one would work in that case,” Ianto explained, “besides, does it really matter?”
“No.” Jack was pretty sure Gwen shrugged her shoulders as she spoke. “I suppose not.”
“So, where were we? Ummm,” Tosh searched her place on the list she was reading from, “discovering defenestration, then there was that extraterrestrial echidna-like thing exsanguinating him, followed by being flattened by a falling fardel.” All four members of his team snickered at that death. Jack didn’t know what they found so funny, how was he supposed to have known that such a small cute little thing could have such sharp spines? And who really expects a twenty eight kilo bundle of futuristic rebar to randomly slip through the rift to land on top of them? “Garroted by a Gorgon.” Jack nearly interrupted them then; it wasn’t a Gorgon per se, rather one of the race of creatures on which the Greeks based the myth. “Then he was hung by the Horda. Immolated to Isis....” Okay, now that was taking things a bit too far. He hadn’t had a choice, either chose to sacrifice himself on the pyre or all of Earth would have been burned.
Jack decided that a good, strong drink was in order. With a shake of his head, Jack left them to have their fun and headed back to his office. Tosh’s voice drifting behind him, “After that came the time he was jettisoned from that junker...”
Careful to stay out of sight, Jack continued to listen in as Gwen argued, “No. It doesn’t count, it has to be alphabetical order. We agreed.”
“It did follow in alphabetical order, he was lynched!” Owen sounded very smug.
“No, he was hung. Again. That’s a repeat of ‘H’ which means we start again.” Jack rubbed his neck thinking back on his recent death. He wondered what exactly it must be that they were arguing about. Why would it matter if he had been hung or lynched?
“Nope, I looked it up. Definitely lynched.” Owen paused and Jack could hear frantic typing. “See,” Owen was obviously reading off the computer screen now, “it says ‘to put to death, especially by hanging, by mob action and without legal authority.’ That’s what happened.”
“Tosh?” Gwen called out. “You’re the list keeper here. What’s your opinion?”
There was a pause before Tosh replied, “He’s right. So, what should we call it? Lynched by a lecherous legion?”
Gwen groaned, but it was drowned out by Owen’s laughter. “That’s bad, Tosh,” she said when Owen had quieted down, “even for you.”
“So, what do we have so far?” Ianto joined the others, carrying a something that rattled a bit. Jack assumed it was the afternoon round of coffees.
“Well,” Tosh began, “are you sure we should be counting that time you and he...” Jack realized that Ianto must have nodded because then she began reading off a list of his recent deaths. “Autoerotic asphyxiation.” There was more laughing from both Owen and Gwen at that. Jack felt himself flush over the thought that Ianto had told the others about that little mishap, but didn’t have a chance to think on it further before the list continued. “Bludgeoned by a bugle.”
“Oh, now that one was a classic!” Owen sniggered, only to be hushed by Ianto.
“Are you going to keep interrupting me?”
“Sorry Tosh.” Owen didn’t sound the least bit contrite. “Go on.”
“Choked on a chestnut....”
“I thought we were going with ‘cut’ for that one?” Gwen interrupted. “That Crespallion nearly cut his head off trying to help.”
“He choked before being cut, but I think either one would work in that case,” Ianto explained, “besides, does it really matter?”
“No.” Jack was pretty sure Gwen shrugged her shoulders as she spoke. “I suppose not.”
“So, where were we? Ummm,” Tosh searched her place on the list she was reading from, “discovering defenestration, then there was that extraterrestrial echidna-like thing exsanguinating him, followed by being flattened by a falling fardel.” All four members of his team snickered at that death. Jack didn’t know what they found so funny, how was he supposed to have known that such a small cute little thing could have such sharp spines? And who really expects a twenty eight kilo bundle of futuristic rebar to randomly slip through the rift to land on top of them? “Garroted by a Gorgon.” Jack nearly interrupted them then; it wasn’t a Gorgon per se, rather one of the race of creatures on which the Greeks based the myth. “Then he was hung by the Horda. Immolated to Isis....” Okay, now that was taking things a bit too far. He hadn’t had a choice, either chose to sacrifice himself on the pyre or all of Earth would have been burned.
Jack decided that a good, strong drink was in order. With a shake of his head, Jack left them to have their fun and headed back to his office. Tosh’s voice drifting behind him, “After that came the time he was jettisoned from that junker...”
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rebar (short of reinforcing bar I believe) is that steel bar that is used to strengthen concrete and help give it structure. Ever see pictures of a building being built and it looks like a bunch of metal bars originally? That's rebar
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Oh so that's what rebar is - I know that stuff!
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rebar's weird looking. I'd been trying to come up with completely pathetic or ignominious ways for Jack to be killed (going off the defenestration theme) and the idea of something as mundane as construction equipment falling on him struck a cord. :)
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It's all twisty like barley sugars *nods*
ignominious ways for Jack to be killed
Rain of toads next then?
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trampled by toads?
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Trampled by ten foot tall tEntacled, toads...?
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I also had the idea of "death bingo" where everyone had cards made up with different deaths on them and the first one to have five in a row won a prize.
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I have this picture in my mind of Jack finding one with several of the deaths crossed off but with little arguments written in over others... like assaulted being crossed off but then circled and "you can't count pummeled and assaulted for the same death, Owen" scribbled above it
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I am so glad I haven't made myself that cup of tea just yet *sporfles*
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I shall have to try harder next time!
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One day when we are both feeling particularly silly *g* we shall do it, yes!
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Excellent! Absolutely excellent!
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