Creating Suspense

[donutsweeper]

Another writing/reading question for people.

What are your opinions on creation suspense/tension by using exposition to show something outside of what the characters are aware of? For example:

Neither of them noticed the man on hill, watching their every move.

In visual media this is quite powerful, usually done by shifting the camera behind a bush and watching the heroes for a minute through that perspective (possibly with the slightest hint of someone or something pushing some of the branches out of the way.)

Is it a jarring effect in prose? Does it depend on the overall POV of the story?

Comments

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

I think this is another one where 'it all depends'. It's the kind of thing that I instinctively feel you shouldn't do, because it won't work, but done properly, it can absolutely work.

Personally, I shy away from it, but then I tend to write tightly in a characters' POV, and pulling out of it breaks the flow for me. But if you're going to do 'ominous' for a little while, I think it could work. I'd want more hints than just this, and to really, really build the tension up before revealing what's going on and the pay off would have to be worth it, but. Done right, it could work, just not in my writing :)

It's the kind of thing... *tries to find the words* I'd want to know the writer had done it deliberately, knowing what they're doing, not as a shortcut, if that makes sense.

[donutsweeper.livejournal.com]

I'm debating how to work something in to a story and my instinct, in this case, is it would be a cop out to do it this way. It's such an easy solution though, and I was wondering what other people thought.

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

*smiles* If your instinct is that it's a cop out, then it probably is ;)

Humans do have a sixth sense for when they're being watched, though. Could you work it in that way somehow, with the characters *feeling* like they're being watched, and build it that way? Maybe?

[aeron-lanart.livejournal.com]

If you're doing omni, it will work. If you're doing a tighter pov then you probably shouldn't use it. Agree with Jades about the *feeling* of being watched though and then there's the 'seeing things from the corner of your eye' thing too. I'm sure there's a posh word for that, but I can't remember it but if I do, I want to use it as the title for my TBB!

[donutsweeper.livejournal.com]

I don't tend to write omni POV, usually it's pure 3rd person with no depth or specific focus. I don't remember the word for that.

Corner of the eye thing can be powerful, if written well. I suppose that's the key to all the 'on writing' thinky discussion I've been posting lately. It has to be written well.

[tejas.livejournal.com]

I'd shy away from the "sensing someone watching", though, unless the person has some sort of stated psychic powers. No one will "sense" someone watching them from a distance. They might feel exposed in the open or suspect the bad guy could be watching (because that's what *they'd* do), but unless the watcher is close enough to be heard or even smelled (cologne, cigar, even *garlic*), anything else for a normal human is going to be jarring. The only thing that'll work from a distance would be, as someone mentioned, movement out of the corner of the eye, but that could be almost anything and the character should realize that, even if he decides to err on the side of caution. Oh, catching sight of a vague shape that doesn't belong, could possibly work, too. But that's a tad more than simply 'sensing'.

[tejas.livejournal.com]

Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. But then, I pretty much hate 3rd person omniscient.

[donutsweeper.livejournal.com]

It's just a cop out *nods*
\
I knew that, but I needed others to push me into accepting it.

[tejas.livejournal.com]

:-) Yeah. There are better ways to build suspense. Shoot, depending on the character, his own fears could do a far better job.

[snufflesdbear.livejournal.com]

Nothing to add. Just wanted to say Thanks, these have been great Thiny Thoughht discussioons you've been having!

[donutsweeper.livejournal.com]

Glad you're appreciating them. Sometimes, like this time, I wind up answering my own question, but if I hadn't written it all out, I might not have come up with the answer!

[awanderingbard.livejournal.com]

I think it would depend on the POV, definitely. If you are strictly from one person's POV, even if it's 3rd Person, you shouldn't go out of it. That just screams 'writer's trick' to me.

I'm not sure I'd like it in any form, though. In visual media, it's fine and good, but I think there are better ways to build up tension than to randomly throw something like that in. If you want to be very suspenseful, I feel like it would be better to have the reader completely unaware of what was going on until it happened. I mean, if a creature's going to jump on your back, you want the reader to go 'oh sh*t!', not to go 'oh, that's the thing that was mentioned three chapters ago'.

However, I will admit that I don't generally read 'suspenseful' things, so I don't have a lot of experience in the different ways it could be handled.

In a similar vein (vain?), on the show Eleventh Hour, one thing I've found very interesting is that they don't let you wonder about exactly who is committing the crime a lot of the time. You see the villain working and the heroes attempting to catch up with the villain, so there's no 'oh, he did it moment'. I guess it's because the point of the show is 'in what sciency way can we save the world from this bad sciency thing', rather than 'who could be doing such a horrific sciency thing?'.

[donutsweeper.livejournal.com]

I feel like it would be better to have the reader completely unaware of what was going on until it happened. I mean, if a creature's going to jump on your back, you want the reader to go 'oh sh*t!', not to go 'oh, that's the thing that was mentioned three chapters ago'.

that is a very, very good point.

[karaokegal.livejournal.com]

I'm a POV junkie, so I hate that particular trope in fic of all sorts. I realize this is a problem in creating suspense. Luckily in fanfic it can be done by using what we alreay know about canon vs what the characters know that hasn't happened yet.

In my "real" fic, I write mystery fic in first person POV so there's no chance to do that.

[donutsweeper.livejournal.com]

*nods* it's better to find another way for the suspense to start to build up

[tejas.livejournal.com]

I *LOVE* first person mysteries. *sigh* :-)

[donutsweeper.livejournal.com]

Have you read the Dresden Files books?

[karaokegal.livejournal.com]

And tomorrow is all Novel-all Day, day.

[nakeisha.livejournal.com]

I think it can be very effective actually.

And for me it's only likely to jar if you are writing first person. But if the story is in third person(s) oromniscient narrator then it can be a very good tool.

Of course like all these things it's difficult to generalise, as so much will depend on the story, the writer and the scene. But it's something that can really work well - IMHO.

[donutsweeper.livejournal.com]

It can be done well, true. If there's no omniscient narrator to the 3rd person, it can be a bit weird.

[tejas.livejournal.com]

It breaks the POV if you're using limited 3rd.

[the-dark-side.livejournal.com]

I think I agree with those who said "done properly".

Of course, I used to read a lot of horror, so I'm kind of immune to the effects of a lot of this stuff anymore, because I usually see it coming about a mile away.

[donutsweeper.livejournal.com]

grumble, grumble... done properly

[tejas.livejournal.com]

Keep in mind, though, if you're in 3rd person limited there *is* no "done properly" since it breaks POV. :-)

[the-dark-side.livejournal.com]

I know. It's one of those things you don't know whether you're doing right until it's done.