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Jan. 12th, 2026 10:32 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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addme_fandomAge: Mid 30s.
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update: did I cross a line with the (messy, chaotic) organization I volunteer for?
Jan. 29th, 2026 05:29 pm![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
askamanager_feedRemember the letter-writer who asked if they had crossed a line with the (messy, chaotic) organization they volunteered for? Here’s the update.
I’m the person who was angry about an Instagram post from the nonprofit that I was volunteering at. Duncan and Isadora did leave the board, although they still volunteered on a lower level. You mentioned that the nonprofit might not have great results towards its mission, and the truth is that the results are mixed. The organization’s goals are met, for the most part, but not without the great over-efforts of five or six people, myself included (which had earned me the nickname “Superstar” within the org).
Things came to a head when I was laid off from my job. The good news was that when I told a previous manager about the layoff, he immediately put a good word in for me at his company, which landed me a job with better pay and projects that I love. The bad news was that it was still stressful for me, especially since I was also in the middle of moving to a new apartment. My sleep schedule and appetite were negatively affected, so I had to pause volunteering to take care of myself. I was only required to tell the board members about my hiatus so they could reassign my responsibilities. In this time that I was away from the organization, none of the members or other volunteers reached out to me. When I had settled down into the new job and apartment, I texted a fellow volunteer to wish her a happy birthday. She said, “Thank you! I haven’t heard from you in a few weeks, how are things?” I explained everything that had been happening in my life, and she replied, “Oh, that makes sense. Nobody told us that you had to take a break. You just suddenly turned invisible, and we all wondered why you weren’t showing up.”
I was furious. First of all, if the other volunteers didn’t know why I was gone, it was because they weren’t told by anyone on the board about the hiatus, which was yet another example of a lack of communication within the org. Which confused me because, uh, who’s doing all the tasks that I was doing if I’m not there?
Second of all, it was just so hurtful. I joked off her “invisible” comment, but in reality, I wanted to cuss her out and throw my phone. I had assumed that everyone was just busy with their own lives, but I was angry because people apparently did notice that I wasn’t showing up but never bothered to think, “This is unusual. Is she okay? Maybe I should check on her.” A lot of the commenters mentioned that I’m a person who cares a lot about things, which is true. It hurts because one would believe that the reason nobody cares about you is because you never cared in turn, except when you know that’s not true at all, so you’re left hurt and confused as to why these otherwise lovely people never thought about you.
It was the straw that broke the camel’s back to get me to stop volunteering with them. I just ghosted the organization and decided to move on with my life (which, based on my experience, is really all you have to do!). I was sad because the nonprofit was the only one addressing a need in the area, which was why I had stuck with it for so long. It wasn’t worth the dysfunction and stress in the end, though, especially if I’ll only ever be either “superstar” or “invisible” and nothing else. I felt like a weight has come off my shoulders, and my schedule has been freed up to find something better to put my heart into.
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how can I help my mentee set more realistic expectations about work?
Jan. 21st, 2026 03:59 pmaskamanager_feedA reader writes:
I’m writing for some advice on how to help my mentee set expectations at work. I work at a small educational site. Alice came to us through an independent living program for young adults with disabilities, and she was absolutely fantastic as a volunteer. She was extremely passionate about the work and already had independently picked up a bunch of extremely niche skills (for anonymity let’s say it’s reconstructing historical rice sculptures) that would normally take years of training, so most of the guidance I was giving her was more in relation to her soft skills and building confidence in her own abilities.
She also has A Lot going on in her personal life. It isn’t my place to go into any of the details but, long story short, she really needs to find an independent living situation away from her family.
I pushed hard for us to hire her. As a small nonprofit, we didn’t have full-time or permanent positions available, but we did have a part-time seasonal position at our sister site, which she took.
It hasn’t gone well.
Now, some of this is due to the fact that the site she joined is perpetually understaffed, so everyone there has to wear a bunch of hats. Part of it is due to the fact that the supervisor at that site has no expertise in her niche specialization and doesn’t realize how long projects like, say, rice sculptures should actually take. Part of it is because it’s her first job, and she doesn’t know how to say, “Six rice sculptures in a month is impractical, you’re getting four at most.” But some of it is more along the lines of, “She was asked to cover the front desk during someone else’s lunch, and this was Bad” or “She was asked to help with a school tour, and it was Bad.”
I can understand looking at the circumstances and saying, “This is more stressful than what I signed on for,” but she’s describing it to me as “an abusive hellhole” and … it’s just not that. It’s a little hectic, but if she pushed back on the unreasonable expectations, I know that the supervisor would agree. I’ve worked with the guy intermittently for three years. He’s perpetually overwhelmed, but he isn’t malicious.
And I feel bad about this on both ends, because Alice hates the job I pushed for her to get, and she isn’t doing that job well. I would still gladly write a reference for whatever she chooses to do after the seasonal position ends, but … I also wouldn’t push for her to be rehired, having seen how she’s handled it this time.
Since I supervised her as a volunteer, she looks up to me as a mentor. I’m trying to help her adjust her expectations and parse the difference between “hectic but unavoidable,” “bad management,” “actually abusive,” and “actually completely normal.” Do you have any advice?
There are really two paths you could take here, and you could do either or both.
The first one is to just give her very calm, reality-based responses as things come up in the moment. For example:
Alice: “It’s ridiculous that Jim expects me to do six rice sculptures a month. There’s no way that’s possible.”
You: “Six a month is unrealistic, but he’s almost certainly relying on you to speak up and tell him if that’s the case. He hired you in part because you have expertise on this that he doesn’t have, and so he’s figuring you’ll tell him what is and isn’t doable. Do you feel comfortable doing that? We can talk through how to have that conversation if you want.”
Alice: “It just seems bananas to me!”
You: “It’s pretty normal for your boss to need your input on what is and isn’t realistic. It would be a mistake to assume there’s no room for you to reset those expectations. In fact, part of doing your job well is sharing that perspective!”
Alice: “I can’t believe they asked me to cover the front desk during someone’s lunch.”
You: “I’m not that surprised by that. That kind of thing can be unavoidable at really small organizations.”
Alice: “It’s ridiculously chaotic here, I’m being pulled into X and Y and Z and they just expect me to do all of it.”
You: “It’s pretty normal at small organizations to be expected to wear a lot of hats — so that part isn’t surprising, just the nature of the work. But they’re probably relying on you to speak up about how much you can and can’t get done; they won’t know unless you tell them, and there’s usually an assumption that you will speak up if you need help or have been assigned too much.”
Alice: “It’s an abusive hellhole!”
You: “Hmmm, from everything you’ve said it sounds like a pretty typical small organization. If you’re realizing it’s not for you, that’s of course completely legitimate. But I think it’s helpful to recognize that a lot of this is pretty normal, even if it’s not your cup of tea, so that you can calibrate your reactions and also so that you know what is and isn’t realistic to expect as you’re looking at other jobs.”
The other approach is to address it as a more big-picture conversation — framing it, for example, as: “I wanted to talk to you about how things are going at SisterOrg. I’ve noticed you seem pretty unhappy about things like X and Y, and I wanted to be straight with you that that stuff is really normal in this field. You can definitely decide you don’t like it and want to work in a field with different norms, but I worry when I hear you characterizing it as basically a hellhole, because I think you might be bringing some unrealistic expectations to the field.”
I’d probably go with the first path — calm, reality-based corrections in the moment — and see if they seem to affect her thinking or not. If they didn’t, at that point you could move to the bigger-picture conversation.
It’s also worth remembering that you don’t have to solve this for Alice. It’s a kindness to give her candid, realistic feedback, but what she does with it from there is up to her. If she’s just not be in a place to hear it or accept it right now, that’s not a failing on your part.
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husband’s employee’s wife called me to complain, 2 employees don’t get along, and more
Jan. 19th, 2026 05:03 amaskamanager_feedIt’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. The wife of my husband’s employee called me to complain about a work trip
The wife of one of my husband’s employees called me to complain about a one-night trip he’s taking for a meeting with a client. This employee doesn’t work overtime and has only been out of town three times since working for us in the last nine years.
We started my husband’s architecture company 20 years ago and have built it from the ground up to nine employees. The employee has been with the company for nine years and in that time has only been away from his family due to work three times.
We live in a very small town, and they attend our church. The employee graduated from high school locally and interned with my husband’s company before he was hired. The church connection is awkward for me. The phone call has made it even more awkward.
My husband hasn’t addressed her phone call to me with his employee. Please advise.
I don’t know what you said when the employee’s wife called you, but ideally it was something like, “This isn’t something I’m involved with — it’s something Employee would need to discuss with Boss directly.” If the spouse of an employee ever calls you again, that’s the language you should use; it would be inappropriate for you to discuss employment issues with someone other than the employee themselves.
Your husband doesn’t have to raise it with the employee now, but it probably be smart for him to say, “Clarissa told me Tangerina called her with concerns about our upcoming client trip. Is there anything we need to discuss?” … and then depending on how that conversation goes, he might also say, “If you ever have a concern about something like this, please come to me directly. It put Clarissa in an awkward position since we can’t discuss employment issues with anyone other than the employee.”
Related:
why can’t you contact your spouse’s employer to advocate for them?
2. Two employees with different work styles can’t get along
I work as a manager in a health care setting where my team fields referrals from various sources for a specific service. We get 50-60 referrals a day and have a few admin staff who do data entry and info gathering, then it goes to professional staff who determine the clinical needs and complete it.
Two of those professional staff, Sue and Carol, have been here for many years. Carol works very quickly and will often complete upwards of 25 referrals in a day. Sue is slower, doing more like 10-15 per day. However, when we complete our monthly audits, Carol always has about three times the errors we need to go back to fix (but never a concern that negatively impacted patient care). They both complain about the other. Carol thinks Sue is way too slow and intentionally leaving work undone and that Carol has to pick up her slack. Sue feels that Carol is too careless and is frustrated when she has to correct her errors.
For my part, I don’t think there is a problem with how either of them work and they balance each other out nicely. If everyone worked as slowly as Sue we would need more staff to keep up, but she is continually complimented by patients and the teams we refer to for her attention to detail and the quality of her notes. Carol can churn through referrals quickly and while they may lack the detail, they are adequate and I am not concerned about the errors she makes. I have told them both this, and I have tried strategies like having everyone correct their own errors, but logistically that doesn’t work, and it is only these two that have an issue.
They are professional enough in their interactions with each other, though you can feel the tension at times, and the admin staff have made comments about feeling like they are hanging out with divorced parents. How can I help them see that different people have different styles and I need them to stop complaining to me about the other?
You may or may not be able to get them to accept that people have different styles, but you do have control over the complaining. You can tell them each (separately!) that you’ve heard them out and taken a very close look at the work of everyone on the team, and you are happy with the other person’s work and cannot continue to hear complaints about it. You can say that if something changes and a new issue arises, you want to hear about that once but other than that, they need to accept that they’re working with someone with a different style, and the continuous complaining has become disruptive and needs to stop. If that doesn’t do it, the framing to use may be, “I understand that you’re unhappy with this, but working productively with Carol/Sue is a condition of the job. If you decide you can’t do that, I understand, but while you’re here I need you to find a way to make peace with this.”
I don’t know how significant the tension is that other colleagues are picking up on, but if it’s creating an unpleasant work environment for other people, that needs to stop too (and this letter about a similar situation has some advice you could use for that).
3. How to be honest about the job market to grad students
My full-time job is in the cultural heritage sector, and I also adjunct in the graduate program I got my degree from. It’s really rewarding and has made my own practice better. One of my favorite parts of adjuncting is the students — it’s a growing program with lots of enthusiasm from the people who take my course specifically and the program as a whole.
I get a lot of requests from students to talk one-on-one about the state of the field we’re in or how to get a job. Most of these students have taken my class before, so I know them and their work caliber. Almost always, it’s a person who is extremely smart, capable, and passionate about the field. Unfortunately, our sector has always been competitive, and within our specialization it has traditionally been very difficult to secure full-time, permanent work even in the best of times. Now, with the state of funding, grants, the government, etc., it’s just bleak.
I’m wondering about these conversations I’m having or will have with current students. I feel like it’s my duty to be realistic about expectations after graduation, but I also feel like the world’s biggest jerk saying, “This professional graduate degree that you’ve enrolled in to get a better and more fulfilling career? This class that is preparing you and getting you excited for this specific work? Yeah, it’s a real long shot even with all the qualifications you’ve earned!” I have full-time permanent work (knock wood) mostly due to timing and luck. When I explain this to people, including students, I generally get a knee-jerk response about how I’m a hard and good worker, skilled, and I earned it. But I know all that; I’m not saying I’m not skilled or talented. I’m trying to convey that almost everyone else is, too. It makes for a fun, challenging, and rewarding field once you’re in, but getting in is a heartbreaker and I don’t have a ton of fail-safe advice beyond managing expectations and resume/cover letter advice.
Is this okay? Am I being too sunny, or too harsh? I’m finding it harder to say yes to these kinds of conversations because I leave them feeling awful, and the students do, too. I don’t think the overall program does a great job of communicating that the field is really hard to break into, but I also understand that to lead with that would be to undercut the existence of the program. And the program has many, many graduates employed and doing excellent and cool work! So it’s a balance that’s really tricky to me at the moment, especially.
You should err on the side of honesty. They’re going to figure it out at some point, after all. It’s better for them to get a realistic view of the field earlier rather than later.
That doesn’t mean that you should dump all over their dreams, of course. But you should be realistic with them. You don’t need to say, “Getting a job in this field is like winning the lottery” (assuming the probability is not in fact that low) … but the right framing is probably something like, “The field is extremely competitive, to the point that a lot of very qualified, skilled people struggle to find full-time work in it, so it’s also good to think about adjacent career paths like X and Y.” That last part is important — you’re not just telling them it’s rough out there, but you’re offering advice about what they can do with that information.
4. Should I be negotiating salary before it’s in writing?
I know that typically it is advisable to negotiate salary after a written offer is provided. However, I’ve had multiple situations where I am expected to “accept” a verbal offer before a written one is provided, and then the employer seems surprised and put out when I try to negotiate salary from there because I “already accepted” a verbal offer. Is this normal? Should I be countering verbally before we even get to the written offer stage?
Yes, you should be negotiating salary as soon as they make you an offer, even if it’s not in writing yet. You don’t need to wait for a formal written offer once they’ve told you what they’re offering. In fact, a lot of places will want to do the negotiation before sending over a written offer, so that the written offer summarizes what has been agreed to. (And if they’re getting the impression you agreed in conversation with them and then are backtracking, that’s definitely going to come off strangely.)
5. Does my resume need to say when a job was remote or part-time?
I joined the workforce after graduating undergrad during Covid and struggled with finding entry-level work while the world was shutting down. It doesn’t help that I have an ivory tower philosophy degree!
After taking a few years to focus on my mental health and help support my family through illness, I found my way to LA and struggled to break into the entertainment industry as a writer during the WGA strike. I ended up taking on various unpaid internships and contract script reader work to beef up my resume while attending writing classes and working on my screenwriting portfolio. My internships and script reading gigs were technically designated as part-time on the job descriptions (i.e., three days a week in-office or remote) but I did throw myself into them and, in my opinion, was very dedicated given that I was either not paid or paid below minimum wage.
I have severe OCD, so I tend to overthink fears related to being morally good/honest. My OCD tells me that it is unethical to omit when listing these roles on a resume that I was officially part-time or working remotely or both. However, I’ve seen people say that these labels don’t matter, especially if I’m not listing “full-time, in-person” for other traditional office jobs on my resume. I don’t want to misrepresent myself, but at the same time, I have really struggled on the job market (despite a great GPA) and am well aware that putting the labels wouldn’t help my prospects; I also feel that I gained valuable skills at these jobs and don’t want to completely undersell myself. I am currently seeking employment and am sending out a resume that simply states all job titles and dates worked (month, year). Am I being misleading by leaving out “part-time, remote”?
No. It’s not expected in any way that you will specify that a job was remote, or that it was part-time. Most people don’t list that, and hiring managers don’t assume that you will.
If something was very part-time, like five hours a month, there would be more of an argument for making that clear — but even then, if the work is listed as a bunch of different freelance roles (as it sounds like some of these are), you don’t even need to do that. Lots of freelance work is far from full-time.
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I’m afraid of dogs and our chairman brings his dog to work, job application videos, and more
Jan. 13th, 2026 05:03 amaskamanager_feedIt’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. I’m afraid of dogs and our chairman brings his dog to work
I work at a small business (fewer than 100 people, all in one building) and I am mildly cynophobic (afraid of dogs). Logically, I’m aware that this is mostly irrational, but I tense up and can’t focus on anything else when a dog is nearby.
The chairman of our company has a dog, who he often (most days) brings to the office. He has also been known to encourage other people to bring their dogs to work. You can imagine how I feel about this. However, many people like the dogs.
A couple of years ago, I made an anonymous request, via my then-manager, for measures to be taken to keep the dog away from areas where I am likely to be. It was agreed that the dog wouldn’t be brought to the area of the office where my desk is, but nothing was said or done about communal areas. The chairman has since either forgotten about this agreement or doesn’t care. Furthermore, I think the chairman worked out that it was me who made the request, due to me freezing and stopping what I’m doing when the dog comes near me.
I neither want to be seen as a killjoy, nor do I want to pick a fight with the chairman, nor do I want to have to put up with this. Is there anything I could do?
Yes, you need to raise the issue again. You don’t need to hide that it’s you; you’re not trying to ban dogs from the building, just to stay away from them yourself. That’s a reasonable request, and it might also help you if the chairman does know it came from you so that he can make sure he is in fact keeping his dog away from you!
You can talk to your manager again, explaining that the previous agreement seems to have been forgotten, or — better — if you have HR, talk to them and ask for their help with more formal accommodations.
None of this is being a killjoy or picking a fight. You’re just asking to have a spot where you can work comfortably.
Related:
how much should we compromise for a dog-phobic coworker in a dog-friendly office?
2. I was asked to make a video for a job application
I’ve applied for a job that involves extended, in-person contact with customers of all ages, backgrounds, and cultures. Today I got an email asking me to make a short video about why I want to work with them so they can “get to know me better.” I have never made a video before and videography would not be part of the role. I really am not adept at anything to do with photography and my phone is ancient. It serves my purposes usually but doesn’t have all the things that more modern phone cameras have. The selfie camera is low-quality so isn’t very good for video recording, and in low-light everything is very grainy. Apart from that, I just don’t have the skills. Even if I spent hours acquiring them, cadged a newer phone off someone, found out how to edit, and so on, I don’t think this will be the ideal showcase for me (understatement). I’m in my sixties and I wonder if for younger applicants this kind of thing is second nature?
I was quite surprised by their request and have gone back over the spec to see if I missed anything about videography. It definitely isn’t mentioned anywhere and there is no “digital native” element to the role, so I think it is simply their way of screening out candidates without having to do an interview. (I would be happy to do a video call on Teams or whatever and am set up for that.) Anyway, I think if I went ahead and made the video, I would be ruling myself out of getting the role. Shall I withdraw my application instead and explain why? That would be a shame as it’s something I’d like to do. But I can’t really see me getting through this first round.
Ugh, yeah, this is not a good practice for most roles. There are jobs that require the ability to do this kind of thing and it can make sense there — although it’s still often an unreasonable request before an initial phone screen has been done and will end up wasting a lot of people’s time, both from candidates who respond to it and from hiring staff who have to watch them, to say nothing of all the potential for illegal discrimination that it introduces — but here we are.
In any case, though, I don’t think you should reject yourself for them; they can do that themselves if they want to. You could simply explain that your phone doesn’t take video but that you’d be happy to do a phone or Zoom screen, and then leave it in their court. They probably won’t end up moving you forward but, who knows, if they’d been particularly interested in your application maybe they will. If nothing else, it’s good for them to get this kind of feedback from candidates.
3. No one wants to apply for our job opening because of my boss’s bad reputation
I work in a very small professional office within an extremely large, unionized white-collar organization. This organization values absolute fairness (which I absolutely believe in) and has many protections in place to assure it. For example, past job performance and recommendations cannot be considered in selecting the top candidate for a position.
The only other person who shared my (very specialized) exact job was recently promoted to my supervisor (they supervise four people, including me, plus 2 vacancies). Their reputation as a supervisor is not good (they held a previous supervisory role but eventually took a demotion/transfer).
Although the role I hold (that they also previously held) has traditionally been much in-demand with many candidates, this time there have been almost no applicants. Everything I have heard, including from people who have previously applied to transfer to my office, is that no one wants to work for this person based on their reputation.
The problem is that I also applied for the supervisor position, but I was not selected. I am absolutely doing everything I can to be professional about it! I definitely want someone to come on board, both to take over the extra duties that were transferred to me, and just to have a colleague.
I know management has been casting about for an explanation. If someone eventually asks me why I think people are not applying for the role, what can I say? I can’t think of any way to answer even semi-truthfully or in a way that would assist in hiring, without looking like I’m bitter or driving candidates away. And if I try to evade the question, it will look like I’m hiding something (also, I have a very hard time not answering questions honestly when asked directly).
Well, first, it’s not “absolute fairness” to refuse to consider past job performance when hiring. Past job performance is probably the most directly relevant factor that should be considered in hiring.
Anyway, if you’re asked why you think people aren’t applying for the job … well, you don’t need to give them an answer that you’re not comfortable giving! You’re not responsible for solving this problem for them, and if you think it risks causing problems for you if you tell them the truth (like that you’ll appear to have sour grapes over not getting the job yourself), you can fall back on something bland like, “I’m not sure. Would it be worth asking some of the people internally who you would have expected to apply and get feedback from them?” Which, frankly, is what they should be doing anyway.
4. How do I tell my boss I’m okay with a lower performance rating this year?
My supervisor said in our most recent meeting that she was worried she wouldn’t be able to give me as good ratings as the previous year because I haven’t finished some longer-term projects (with no real repercussions to anyone’s workflow; my job is IT adjacent so I’ve stayed on top of daily needs and anything that affects our internal customers). I am well aware I could have finished some of these sooner but, honestly haven’t had a great year mentally with a few family deaths and have missed a decent number of days this fall with kids home sick. But, last year, I got nearly all “exceeds expectations” and honestly, this year “meeting expectations” would be fine by me. I’d even be okay with a “needs improvement” in a category or two since I feel like I do need to improve! If this comes up again, how do I politely say I’m all right not getting the office equivalent of an A this year?
“I understand. This has been a rough year, and I’m hopeful I’ll be able to tackle some of the longer-terms projects going forward.”
Or: “I think that’s fair. I’ve been out more than I usually am, and that’s affected what I could complete. I am hopeful that won’t remain the situation.”
5. Joining an LGBT employee group when I work for the federal government
I’m a fairly tenured (eight years) employee in civil service/government work in the US.
I started a new position recently, my first non-bargaining role. One of the things advertised to us during orientation was the various work/social groups for employees to connect with others because hundreds, if not thousands, of people work for this agency.
I am a single woman over 30 who identifies as a member of the LGBT community. My employer has a group for LGBT employees that I was considering checking out, but I am scared to do so. I am an unclassified employee who had to sign a statement acknowledging I serve at the pleasure of the head of the agency I work for. He is termed out and we will be getting a new one in the next election cycle.
I hate that this is the world we live in, but would you advise I check out the group or wait? I would hate to miss out on making friends but I don’t want a target on myself either.
Attend a meeting and feel it out! You presumably don’t need to register on an official “attending the LGBT employees group” list with your employer; you can just go, right? (And besides, for all they know, you could be going as an ally; you presumably don’t need to declare your specific interest or identity either.) Then, once you meet other people there, ask for their thoughts on the safety of being active with the group right now; they’ll likely have useful insights (hopefully ones that will make you feel comfortable attending more, but useful either way).
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Communities
Jan. 12th, 2026 10:47 pmysabetwordsmithpluralquestions -- Discussing plural existenceWelcome to the Plural Questions community! A lot of existing plural communities on Dreamwidth are inactive. We all have a lot to gain from talking to each other, so Plural Questions was created to encourage community discussion around plural experiences. Interactions are encouraged- please comment, post to the community, etc! Get your voice out there! Discussion questions will be posted every now and then, but please feel free to add your own questions or post about your lived experiences.
If you've been following
lb_lee and pluralstories then you might like this new community.
Cal Leandros (Prompt # 93 - Mariah Carey) Do In the Clowns
Jan. 12th, 2026 09:37 pmenchanted_jae posting in ficlet_zoneAuthor:
enchanted_jaeFandom: Cal Leandros
Author's note: In a perfect world, we would all treat one another with kindness and respect, our pets would live as long as we do, and Niko would never have cut that glorious long blond fall of his hair.
Characters: Cal
Rating: PG13
Warning(s): Language, first person pov (Cal's)
Word count: 185
Disclaimer: Characters are the property of Rob Thurman, et al. This drabble/fic was written for fun, not for profit.
Written for:
ficlet_zone Prompt No. 93 – Mariah Carey song titles. I chose: After Tonight, Close My Eyes, Clown.Summary: Even monsters have nightmares.
Do In the Clowns
sigh
Jan. 12th, 2026 10:27 pmjames_davis_nicoll"What's a slide rule?"
Magpie Monday
Jan. 12th, 2026 09:22 pmysabetwordsmithdialecticdreamer is hosting Magpie Monday today with a theme of "Loose Threads." Leave prompts, get ficlets!( Read more... )
Amber in the east
Jan. 13th, 2026 02:20 amlanguagelog_feedWell, now, for all those doubting Thomases who insist that there was no contact between western Eurasia, Central Asia, South Asia, Southeast Asia, and East Asia in antiquity:
"The Amber Trade along the Southwestern Silk Road from 600 BCE-220 CE." Lü, Jing et al. Palaeoentomology 8, no. 6 (December 29, 2025): 679-682. https://www.mapress.com/pe/article/view/palaeoentomology.8.6.10.
Abstract
Amber holds significant historical importance in China, symbolizing not only the glory of ancient Chinese art and culture but also reflecting the development of cross-regional trade in antiquity. Evidence shows that Burmese and Baltic amber became widely popular during the Han dynasty (202 BCE–220 CE) and could be imported through various routes (Liu et al., 2023a, b; Zhao et al., 2023; Li et al., 2025). During this period, the Euro-Asia Steppe Trade Road was predominantly used for the import of Baltic amber, while the Maritime Silk Route might also facilitate the amber trade (Li et al., 2025). Additionally, the Southwestern Silk Route is regarded as a crucial pathway for amber trade in ancient Southern China. This overland route stretched from Central China through the mountainous regions of Sichuan, Guizhou, and Yunnan, extending to Myanmar and other Southeast Asian countries (Elias, 2024). The ancient Ailao Regional States, serving as a key node along the Southwestern Silk Road, encompassed southwestern Yunnan (China), northern Myanmar, Thailand, Laos, and eastern Assam (India) (Sun, 2016). Notably, the territory of Ailao Regional States included the Burmese amber deposits in the northern Myanmar, which was also recorded in the Han historical records as the amber origin (Fan, 1965). In addition, several amber artifacts from the same period have been discovered in the Dian Kingdom, which is primarily located in Yunnan and borders the Ailao Regional States (Zhao, 2016). While there is considerable evidence suggesting that the Southwestern Silk Route played a significant role in the amber trade, there is a lack of empirical evidence detailing its specific functions in the transportation of amber.
Etymology
From Middle English ambre, aumbre, from Old French aumbre, ambre, from Arabic عَنْبَر (ʕanbar, “ambergris”), from Middle Persian (ʾnbl /ambar/, “ambergris”). Compare English lamber, ambergris. Displaced Middle English smulting (from Old English smelting (“amber”)), Old English eolhsand (“amber”), Old English glær (“amber”), and Old English sāp (“amber, resin, pomade”).
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- The nucleotide sequence "UAG" is named "amber" for the first person to isolate the amber mutation, California Institute of Technology graduate student Harris Bernstein, whose last name ("Bernstein") is the German word for the resin "amber".
The English word amber derives from Arabic ʿanbar عنبر from Middle Persian (ʾnbl /ambar/, "ambergris") via Middle Latin ambar and Middle French ambre. The word referred to what is now known as ambergris (ambre gris or "gray amber"), a solid waxy substance derived from the sperm whale. The word, in its sense of "ambergris", was adopted in Middle English in the 14th century.
In the Romance languages, the sense of the word was extended to Baltic amber (fossil resin) from as early as the late 13th century. At first called white or yellow amber (ambre jaune), this meaning was adopted in English by the early 15th century. As the use of ambergris waned, this became the main sense of the word.
The two substances ("yellow amber" and "gray amber") conceivably became associated or confused because they both were found washed up on beaches. Ambergris is less dense than water and floats, whereas amber is denser and floats only in concentrated saline, or strong salty seawater though less dense than stone.
The classical names for amber, Ancient Greek ἤλεκτρον (ēlektron) and one of its Latin names, electrum, are connected to a term ἠλέκτωρ (ēlektōr) meaning "beaming Sun". According to myth, when Phaëton, son of Helios (the Sun), was killed his mourning sisters became poplar trees, and their tears became elektron, amber. The word elektron gave rise to the words electric, electricity, and their relatives because of amber's ability to bear a charge of static electricity.
Electrifying!
Warms the cockles of your heart.
Selected readings
- "China Babel" (3/26/24) — with numerous important references
- "Celto-Sinica" (12/30/25)
- “Correspondences between Old Chinese and Proto-Celtic Words”, by Julie Lee Wei, Sino-Platonic Papers, 373 (December, 2025), 1-85.
- "Volts before Volta" (1/3/26)
- “The Baghdad Battery: Experimental Verification of a 2,000-Year-Old Device Capable of Driving Visible and Useful Electrochemical Reactions at over 1.4 Volts", by Alexander Bazes, Sino-Platonic Papers, 377 (January, 2026), 1-20.
- "Battery-Powered Prayers" (1/8/26)
- "The Trans-Eurasian Exchange: The Prehistory of Chinese Relations with the West", by Andrew Sherratt, published posthumously in Victor H. Mair, ed., Contact and Exchange in the Ancient World (Honolulu: University of Hawaii Press, 2006), pp. 30-61.
- Joyce C. White and Elizabeth G. Hamilton, “The transmission of early bronze technology to Thailand: new perspectives”, Journal of World Prehistory 22 (2009), 357–97 (Google Scholar)
- Hajni Elias, H, "The Southwest Silk Road: artistic exchange and transmission in early China," Bulletin of the School of Oriental and African Studies, 87 (2024), 319–344. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0041977X24000120
- "The Wool Road of Northern Eurasia" (4/12/21) — comment:
- Annie Gottlieb reminds me that there was also an Amber Road. I had written about that in various places, and was fascinated by the fact that there is clear evidence for flourishing trade along this route from the Baltic to the Mediterranean already during Neolithic times (although recent scholarship emphasizes the last three thousand years).
- — traceable right over the Alps.
- That further reminded me of this lecture that was given in my department on July 13, 2017: "Wine Road before the Silk Road: Hypotheses on the Origins of Chinese and Eurasian Drinking Culture". It was delivered by Peter Kupfer, Professor, Johannes Gutenberg University, Mainz, Germany.
- Liu, Q., Zhang, Y.H.., Li, X.P., Qin, X. & Li, Q.H. (2023b) Some amber artifacts excavated from tombs of the Han Dynasty in Hunan Province. Journal of Gems and Gemmology, 25, 146–157. https://doi.org/10.15964/j.cnki.027jgg.2023.04.013
- Luo, E.H. (2000) Chinese “Southwestern Silk Road” in the Han and Jin Dynasties. Journal of Sichuan University (Philosophy and Social Sciences Edition), 1, 84–105. [In Chinese]
- Na, X.X. (2020) The research of the gemmological characteristics and colour grading of Burmese amber. Kunming University of Science and Technology, Kunming, 34–40. [In Chinese]
- Shi, Z.T., Xin, C.X. & Wang, Y.M. (2023) Spectral characteristics of unique species of Burmese amber. Minerals, 13, 151. https://doi.org/10.3390/min13020151
- Sun, J. (2016) The spatio-temporal patterns and geographical imagination of ethnic groups in the Southwest of China, among Qin and Han Dynasties. China Social Sciences Press, Beijing, 530 pp. [In Chinese]
- The Archaeological Team of Guizhou Provincial Museum (1979) The tombs of the Han Dynasty in Xingyi and Xingren, Guizhou Province. Cult Relics, 5, 20–33. [In Chinese]
- Zhao, D. (2016). Exotic beads and pendants in Ancient China: From Western Zhou to Eastern Jin Dynasty. Science Press, Beijing, pp. 103–107. [In Chinese]
- Zhao, T., Peng, M.H., Yang, M.X., Lu, R., Wang, Y.M. & Li, Y. (2023) Effects of weathering on FTIR spectra and origin traceability of archaeological amber: The case of the Han Tomb of Haihun Marquis, China. Journal of Archaeological Science, 153, 105753. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.jas.2023.105753
- "Of a Persian spymaster and Viking Rus' in medieval East Asia: Scythia Koreana and Japanese Waqwaq" (6/1/25) — from Scandinavia to Korea and Japan; strikingly illustrated
- Victor H. Mair, "Language and Script: Biology, Archaeology, and (Pre)history", International Review of Chinese Linguistics, 1.1 (1996), 31-41 (large format, twin columns) — hard to get hold of, but well worth the effort
plus hundreds of Language Log posts documenting east-west contact in ancient times by Lucas Christopoulos, Brian Pellar, Sara de Rose, and others.
[Thanks to Ted McClure]
Poem: Haiku for Natural Monuments of Japan 1-10-26
Jan. 12th, 2026 08:39 pmysabetwordsmith( Read more... )
Book 5, 2026
Jan. 12th, 2026 08:24 pmchez_jae
Bedeviled Eggs by Laura ChildsMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
View all my reviews
Shortly after midnight, I finished reading my “spare” book, Bedeviled Eggs by Laura Childs. It’s the third in her “Cackleberry Club” series of cozy mysteries. The main character is widowed Suzanne Dietz, who owns and operates the Cackleberry Club diner with her friends, Toni and Petra.
The Cackleberry Club dips into the dating scene by hosting “read dating”, which tries to match couples up based on their reading preferences. Things are going well until Chuck Peebler, mayoral candidate, is killed as soon as he steps outside the diner, with Suzanne right beside him. She takes it personally, not just because Peebler was killed on her property, but because the murderer continued firing crossbow bolts long after Peebler was down. When the sheriff shifts his attention to the woman whom Peebler argued with at the event, Petra asks Suzanne to help prove her friend is innocent. Suzanne agrees to investigate, and she thinks she’s being subtle...right up until her own life is threatened. With Halloween right around the corner, it’s time to unmask a killer.
Thoroughly enjoyable. I wish I’d read it in October. LOL! Characters are three-dimensional, the plot was well-paced, and Suzanne was depicted working and socializing—not just investigating. Her fledgling romance with Sam is progressing nicely, and I like the slow pace of their relationship. This may be my favorite book of the series so far.
Favorite lines:
♦ “Boy couldn’t find his butt crack at high noon in the hall of mirrors.”
♦ “You can give away a nameless dog, but never a dog with a cute name.”
♦ “The only date I have this Friday is with Brad Pitt. And he’s easy. I can pick him up any time at the video store.”
♦ “Welcome to my Halloween party, Harry Potter!”
Excellent book, five stars
Poem: "Fight Less, Cuddle More"
Jan. 12th, 2026 08:09 pmysabetwordsmithjanetmiles. It also fills the "Soup to Nuts" square in my 1-1-26 card for the Public Domain Day Bingo fest. This poem belongs to the Big One and Mercedes threads of the Polychrome Heroics series.( Read more... )
Wash away.
Jan. 12th, 2026 08:18 pmhannahTop 10 Challenge. Post your answer to today’s challenge in your own space and leave a comment in this post saying you did it.
Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so. Also, feel free to entice engagement by giving us a preview of what your post covers.
Top Ten Times I Called It In And Walked Away
In no particular order, not alphabetical, chronological, or according to any level of importance -
1. Supernatural - I know people who watched it all and my hat's off to them, but after season eight, I knew it wasn't for me anymore.
2. Teen Wolf - sometime in season three or four, it went from being a show on MTV to an MTV show, and I was done.
3. House - end of season five or six, when not only had the characters grown stale, but the lighting had gone sour.
4. True Blood - somewhere in there, between seasons, I realized I couldn't do it anymore.
5. Game of Thrones - for all that I was enjoying myself, I realized it was a provisional, conditional love, and the creators had violated the last of those provisions.
6. Marvel comic movie adaptations - animated and live-action Spider-Man movies, Deadpool, the X-Men region, TV shows, the MCU as a whole. Much like House, the lighting's sour and the characters aren't nearly as much fun to watch anymore. I'll still come back from time to time, and leaving the movies is different from leaving the fandom, and it's not my fault they set standards that they then failed to meet.
7. X-Men comics in general and Joss Whedon in particular - because even though I watched Buffy and Angel long after walking away from Whedon, I knew from seeing him kill off a character he said he loved writing that he wasn't someone I could trust anymore, and when Marvel gave the go-ahead for that move on top of all the other repeated future ends of the world, I knew I couldn't trust them either.
8. No small number of fandom-based podcasts - because I don't have much patience for "um" and "like" and "you know" and other such filler words when I know you've taken notes and prepared for this well in advance, and you've also set up multiple Patreon tiers. When there's money involved, I expect you to use your time better than that.
9. Stargate Atlantis - because for all the raw entertainment value it offered, that value came tempered with a feeling of obligation and a gradual lack of playfulness - which can be done, provided the show commits to being more serious. I didn't get a sense of that.
10. Doctor Who - because the tidal nature of the show meant it'd gone out, and I never bothered to wander back to find if it's come back in, which told me all I needed to know about how much I'd enjoy spending more time with it.
Let me emphasize this isn't an anti-rec list, this isn't a set of warnings about not getting into something to begin with, this isn't even much of a set of complaints. This is something that, for all the frustrations involved, makes me happy because learning to know when to stop is a very grown-up skill. Knowing when you need a break or you've had enough takes work, and acting on that takes additional work. It's something that can be applied to situations more serious than a TV show - a friend who's no longer fun to hang out with, a job that's draining you dry. Walking away from something that ultimately doesn't mean much makes it easier to do it for something significantly more serious.
I could probably come up with another five or ten without much trouble, but if I did, it'd turn into an airing of grievances instead of a meditation on learning a new skill in a safe, controlled environment.
Poem: "Hemma Bäst"
Jan. 12th, 2026 07:54 pmysabetwordsmithnsfwords and wyld_dandelyon. It also fills the "Cup of Coffee" square in my 1-1-26 card for the Public Domain Day Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by janetmiles. It belongs to the series Hart's Farm.( Read more... )
The Shadow the Light Forgets to Cast
Jan. 12th, 2026 11:26 pmao3_pride_prejudice_feedby Anonymous
A chance encounter in the statue gallery at Pemberley offers Elizabeth a glimpse into Mr. Darcy's heart. They discuss duty, the nature of happiness, and the realization that unlike the marble figures around them, they are free to change.
Words: 1268, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English
- Fandoms: Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
- Rating: General Audiences
- Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
- Categories: F/M
- Characters: Elizabeth Bennet (Pride and Prejudice), Fitzwilliam Darcy
- Relationships: Elizabeth Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy
- Additional Tags: Experimental Style, Missing Scene
Austenalia
Jan. 12th, 2026 11:19 pmao3_pride_prejudice_feedby Aedeline
When the familiar social circles of Jane Austen’s novels begin to overlap, small disturbances give rise to lasting consequences. Much-loved characters encounter new acquaintances, form unexpected attachments, and discover that even the most well-regulated lives may be altered by a single shift in course.
An interconnected re-imagining of Emma, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility, Persuasion, and Northanger Abbey.
Chapter Three: The Dashwood sisters meet Anne Elliot
Words: 12008, Chapters: 3/?, Language: English
- Fandoms: AUSTEN Jane - Works, Emma - Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen, Persuasion - Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey - Jane Austen
- Rating: General Audiences
- Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
- Categories: F/M
- Relationships: Colonel Brandon/ Anne Elliot, Elizabeth Bennet / Henry Tilney, Marianne Dashwood / Captain Benwick, Elinor Dashwood / Captain Wentworth, Emma Woodhouse / Fitzwilliam Darcy
- Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence
