Jack and the Ultimate No Good Cracktastically Clichéd Very Bad Day

Title: Jack and the Ultimate No Good Cracktastically Clichéd Very Bad Day
Pairing/Warning/Rating: Jack/himself (sort of), crack warning, cliché warning, rated PG
Word Count: 610
Beta: _medley_
Summary: There is a plot, but this was mostly an attempt to sneak as many crack clichés as possible into a story.  Can you spot all 18?
Author's Note: The clichés herein come from the wtf27 prompt list.  I tip my hat to them for the inspiration.

( Tell us how to fix this or I will shoot you... )

Now with accompanying art!